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Monday, July 2, 2007

With These Cheese Puffs, I Thee Wed

Posted By on Mon, Jul 2, 2007 at 10:03 AM

Bumping into a wedding party at San Francisco City Hall is a crapshoot (with some groomsmen, quite literally). You never know if it's going to be formal bowling shirts or black ties. You might rub shoulders with Joe and Marilyn or folks in thrift-store jackets (scroll down).

You just never know. With other venues, however, sometimes you do know -- you know this is a bad idea.

Take Annie Bosworth and Jason Vanek, for example. The Oklahoma couple will soon be tying the knot in mass ceremony at a 99¢ Only Store in Lewisville, Texas. Granted, the 99¢ idea behind this wedding is to expose the lavishness of so many marriage ceremonies, but isn't there a more dignified way of doing so? Isn't there a city hall in Lewisville -- or, failing that, a Walgreen's?

Say what you will about the 99¢ wedding, at least it will be an inexpensive debacle.

Do hordes of screaming children, sweaty old folks with black socks and sandals and the sickly sweet smell of snow cones sound romantic to you? Ladies, did you honestly feel the desire to shout "We're going to Disney World" after he proposes? Well, then live out your infantile dreams!

How about being married in a rotting, subterranean vestige of a bygone city? Or getting used to a future of global warming by taking the plunge underwater? Or…whatever the hell these people are doing?

Young parents these days are the first generation to routinely teach their kids how to play video games – and it shows. Darth Vader may have shown up at your 8th birthday party, but it seems his true calling is using Jedi mind tricks to ensure he'll catch the garter. (The Snitch posted some of these pictures on Friday, but they're worth a second gander -- "search your feelings, you know it to be true," as Vader would put it).

Whatever your position on "Star Wars" weddings, though, they beat this.

The Web abounds with tales of weddings in parks, movie theaters and, of course, bars (most not as Lil'Abner-esque as this one; scroll down to No. 18 at the bottom).

But, as Bono would put it, I still haven't found what I'm looking for. Readers, can you provide any details on a wedding held in a public lavatory? If so, I'd be flushed with happiness. --Joe Eskenazi

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Matt Stroud


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