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Tuesday, June 26, 2007

As Wildfire Rages, Tom Stienstra Gives Blow Job to Self

Posted By on Tue, Jun 26, 2007 at 4:58 PM

And the award for Most Unseemly Example of Gloating Over An Accurate Prediction That Flames Would One Day Consume South Lake Tahoe goes to... Charlie Daniels! Er, we mean, Tom Stienstra!

Seems that in 1995, the Chron's outdoors writer penned a three-part series on how, sooner or later, such a wildfire would occur. A dozen years later, engaging in the kind of public masturbation typically associated with pederasts and snow monkeys, Stienstra has posted excerpts from the series on the paper’s sports blog. Said excerpts are, if he does say so himself, “eerie to read.”

We hate to interrupt Stienstra when he’s in mid-stroke, but eerie might not be quite the right word. According to state statistics, since 1921, roughly 98 percent of Californians not hooked up to life support or living in crawl spaces have realized that Forests with Dense Undergrowth + Long Droughts + Lack of Snowpack = Potential Catastrophe.

But don't tell that to the greatest prophet since Mohammed, who closes his posting by noting that his series “won first place from the Outdoors Writers Association of America for best conservation story in America.” Wow, that’s great, Tom. Keep choking your bishop and maybe you’ll produce enough splooge to douse a few flames. –Martin Kuz

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Martin Kuz

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