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Thursday, June 14, 2007

All Bonds, All the Time

Posted By on Thu, Jun 14, 2007 at 3:07 PM

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The Associated Press reports that ESPN and Fox may try to broadcast more Giants’ games as Ol’ Moon Head approaches Hank Aaron’s all-time home run mark. What does this mean for the nation’s Barry apologists, Barry bashers, and Barry for-the-love-of-God-just-please-go-away hordes? Here are a few possibilities:

-- More riveting high-def shots of Barry stepping out of the batter’s box after a whiff, then pursing his lips like he just swallowed a mouthful of The Clear. Or was it The Cream?

-- More riveting high-def shots of Barry dropping his bat, unsheathing his elbow armor, and trotting to first base after drawing a walk, his ass bearing the oddly lumpy shape of someone who's lost the battle with incontinence.

-- More riveting high-def shots of Barry chasing after fly balls, looking like a drunken sorority pledge stumbling toward the crapper before that fifth of Jameson comes back up.

Color us excited. But we’re warning Fox right now: Pre-empt So You Think You Can Dance just to show Barry at the plate and we’re gonna kick Rupert Murdoch’s oddly lumpy ass. -- Martin Kuz

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Martin Kuz

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