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Friday, May 16, 2014

This Week: Miley's Fat Dick, Jay Z's Fat Lip, and the Christian Kindness of Ms. Dolly Parton

Posted By on Fri, May 16, 2014 at 9:21 AM

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"As a result of the public release of the elevator security footage from Monday, May 5th, there has been a great deal of speculation about what triggered the unfortunate incident. But the most important thing is that our family has worked through it. Jay and Solange each assume their share of responsibility for what has occurred... They both have apologized to each other and we have moved forward as a united family."
Nice try, Beyoncé, Solange, and Jay Z, but we still wanna know why Solange kicked the crap out of her brother-in-law while Beyoncé nonchalantly watched.

"We are shocked and disappointed that there was a clear breach of our security system and the confidentiality that we count on providing our guests. We are investigating with the utmost urgency the circumstances surrounding the situation."
New York's Standard Hotel, in whose elevator Solange and Jay Z scuffled.

"Every time you get in your car, you're going to hear my fucking song on the fucking radio, you piece of shit... And then I'm gonna take all my clothes off, I'm gonna sit on a big, giant dick -- sometimes two -- I'm gonna swing around, and then I'm gonna hold the record for the most-watched music video on Vevo... I think you can tell how big [a

person's] dick is by how much confidence they have usually, and if I was a dude I'd probably have a really big dick, 'cause I feel really good about myself now. So I'm gonna tell those motherfuckers that broke my heart, particularly one, to suck my fat dick and to enjoy hearing this song for the rest of your life."
Miley Cyrus introducing "Wrecking Ball" at a London appearance... Don't make Miley Cyrus angry -- you won't like her when she's angry (YouTube).

"I've been asked to do a Game of Thrones cameo, they asked me if I'd be interested in playing Theon's sister, and I felt uncomfortable because I would have had to go on a horse and he would have touched me up and shit."
Game of Thrones asked Lily Allen to do a scene about incestuous siblings... with her real life brother, Alfie, who plays Theon on the HBO show. WOW. (Reddit)

"I mean, Justin Bieber is a fucking moron... Honestly, I feel bad for

him. Every single person who works with him should fucking be

Black Keys drummer Patrick Carney just gave Rolling Stone an anti-Justin Bieber rant for the ages.

"They know I understand what it's like to be me, and to fight for being myself, and overcoming a lot of things. I think they also know that I just love them. I don't judge or criticize anybody. God loves us all. I look for the God-light in everybody, and I want the God-light to shine through me. I understand them. We're just people. We just do what we do, love who we love, and can't help who we are. We should be that -- proudly."
Dolly Parton, talking about her love for her LGBTQ fans, and demonstrating what a good Christian actually sounds like (Billboard).

"But I'm sorry, Mama, for "Cleaning Out My Closet". At the time I was angry. Rightfully, maybe so, never meant that far to take it though, 'cause now I know it's not your fault, and I'm not making jokes. That song I no longer play at shows and I cringe every time it's on the radio."
Clearly the apocalypse is nigh, because Eminem just apologized to his mom, on new track "Headlights," for 2002's "Cleaning Out My Closet."

"Woke up to find that HR Giger has died. Well that sucks."
Frank Turner succinctly sums up how every rock musician on earth is feeling about the loss, this week, of the surrealist artist (Twitter).

"We went onto YouTube and we found all the songs that, somehow, were taken from my house or picked up or loaned out or whatever... So they're like all starting from like 1969 maybe?"
You can thank YouTube for Stevie Nicks' new album, then... (Associated Press).

And finally: the Tupac Broadway show rehearsals are making us deeply uncomfortable... (Entertainment Weekly)

-- @Raemondjjjj

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