Zoo times: We're watching the sea lions when Antwon begins to get sad. It's a pleasant Wednesday afternoon at the San Francisco Zoo, and the larger and more rotund of the two sea lions is out by the side of his enclosure's little pool, wriggling in the sun, looking like someone who went to bed with a belly full of Mexican food. He shakes his blubbery coat around one way, and then another, irritated. "Damn, that's me when I'm asleep," says Antwon, watching intently. The large and somewhat rotund San Jose rapper had been jokey and easygoing all afternoon, but now he is quiet.
"I'm sad," he finally mutters, mostly to himself. "I'm sad from the zoo. That's why I stay at my house. I don't get depressed if I stay at my house."
Another pause, and he corrects himself... [continue reading]
By GABE MELINE
Frozen singalong
The Castro Theatre
Occasional Sundays
Better than: Going to the Frozen singalong and not living to tell the tale, either from suicide or trampling by small children, both of which very nearly occurred.
I come to you a broken man. A man who, upon his first viewing of the Disney marketing behemoth-cum-pre-tween cultural juggernaut Frozen -- he says, spat out like the obscenity that it is -- kindly declared, "This is the worst pile of shit ever made."
Yet I come to you, also, as a man with a four-year-old daughter. A lovely daughter whom I have attempted in all valiance to shield from the Barbies and the Veggie Tales and the Pink Pretty Princess Industries Inc.™ of this world. A daughter that has broken through that shield time and again. A daughter that, bless her beautiful manipulating little heart, has behooved me to enter on my own volition a McDonalds -- A GODDAMN MCDONALD'S! -- and ask the cashier, "Do you have any Happy Meals with the Rainbow Dash My Little Pony figurine? It's the only one she doesn't have yet."
Just in case any of you weren't 100 per cent sure that Fred Durst was a terrible human, the Limp Bizkit frontman has just signed on to direct -- of all things -- an eHarmony commercial. Because nothing says "take a risk" like a dating commercial directed by the oldest frat boy on earth. In honor of this horrifying event, we'd like to remind you of the worst things that Fred Durst has ever done. Behold the horror!
