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Friday, January 24, 2014

"Justin Bieber is a Piece of Shit" and Other Great Reactions to His Arrest

Posted By on Fri, Jan 24, 2014 at 10:33 AM

Bieber in simpler times
  • Bieber in simpler times

If you are alive and in possession of all of your faculties, then you have already heard about everybody's favorite fake lesbian, Justin Bieber, getting arrested for drag-racing in a rented Lamborghini the other day, while allegedly under the influence (and without a valid license) in Miami. Sadly, the fact that he was not actually over the legal alcohol limit (which doesn't matter if you're underage -- it's still a DUI) and that he was doing about 55 mph (irresponsible, yes, but neither fast, nor furious) has not been reported nearly as much as we'd like. Truly, all this incident really proves is that Justin Bieber is more half-assed than bad-assed (but we knew that when we found out that his means of exacting revenge is EGG-THROWING).

Inevitably this has been a huge story, as it's yet another case of Bieber Behaving Badly. CNN, for example, seemed far more concerned with this yesterday than, say, Syria's ongoing humanitarian crisis (which has only involved the loss of "well over 100,000" lives so far, but whatever... pop star in a yellow car going fast trumps that, we guess), and fans on Twitter spent all day writing messages that started "Dear God", followed by pleas to the Lord to keep JB safe from harm.

But it was the responses to Bieber's arrest from other famous people on Twitter that were by far the most entertaining thing that came out of this yesterday. Here are five of the best:

Seth Rogen


In the midst of all the drama and the speculation and the concern, hilarious Kim Kardashian impersonator Seth Rogen weighed in with the following succinct observation: "All jokes aside, Justin Bieber is a piece of shit." Given the Biebs current level of self-entitlement and shitty, self-serving behavior, we are inclined to agree. Thanks for telling it like it is, Seth. Again. Now please re-create the arrest scene with James Franco as soon as possible.

Aaron Carter

click to enlarge aaroncarter.jpeg

We know that this former teen-pop sensation has no doubt dealt with his fair share of attacks from the public and media alike, but his calls for sanity yesterday were ... insane. "Everyone should keep the negative shit they have to say about jb in their mouths," he tweeted, "because you are not helping and judging someone for growing". How is speeding and driving under the influence "growing"? Was the egging of Justin Bieber's neighbor's house also "growing"? Growing into a piece of shit if you ask us (and Seth Rogen).

Lena Dunham

click to enlarge lena.jpg

A firm grasp of reality and others' failure to grasp it is a signature of Lena Dunham's writing style and one of the reasons for her enormous success thus far. Her pharmaceutical knowledge yesterday served to point out the overwhelming naivete of Bieber's alleged attempts to get intoxicated: "The only crazy part of Justin Bieber arrest is that he was 'popping anti-depressants all day'," the Girls star Tweeted. "Anti-depressants take like 3 months to work ... I wish so hard you could, like, pop Lexapro all day like a baller."

Flavor Flav

Yeeeeeaaaah, boyeeeeee! Flav hit up Twitter twice to reach out to Justin, saying "Justin Bieber...gotta slow down Take it slow fam.. You on top,. Don't come crumbblin down.,! It happened to da best,, Hope not you G...Flav" and "Yo justin... Wen you git out Kidd..slow down.. Take it easy.. Relax.. Git it in,!!! Enjoy Miami Sun !..☀️!! Flavor Flav,,,". Truly, when Flavor Flav is giving you life advice and telling you to calm down, you probably do have some very real problems.

Ru Paul


The world's most famous drag queen just went ahead and did what every other queen was doing yesterday -- making "drag" puns at Bieber's expense. Only she went ahead and did it via the medium of slapping make-up all over his mugshot and declaring: "Condragulations, your son is a woman!" You'd better work, cover girl!

-- @Raemondjjjj

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