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Friday, December 13, 2013

Why You Should Pay to Watch Journey Guitarist and Reality TV Woman's Massive S.F. Wedding

Posted By on Fri, Dec 13, 2013 at 9:31 AM

The happy couple.
  • The happy couple.

There's a lot going on here, so let's break it down. First, "Journey guitarist" -- you know who Neal Schon is, right? He's the sole member of one of San Francisco's all-time most successful (and, yes, embarrassing) rock bands, the one who really didn't stop believing.

Now. Mr. Schon is enamored with one Michaele Holt Salahi, star of a trashy televised thing called "Real Housewives of D.C." So enamored that they want to get married. Naturally, on live TV, because all important people live their lives on TV now, when they aren't crashing White House parties. Neal and Michaele are doing their TV nuptuals at San Francisco's Palace of Fine Arts. This Sunday. And they want to charge you $14.95 for the privilege of watching what has been breathtakingly named "Neal and Michaele: The Winter Wonderland Wedding and Music Event."

Surely, you're thinking, "Privilege? I thought privileges were, like, driving, and getting free drinks when your friend is working the bar?"

Well, yes, okay. A televised wedding between two people almost no one cares about does seem a rather amazing thing to ask people to pay $14.95 for.

But look! There's going to be not one but three celebrity red carpets, a jazz band, orchestra, choir, and a surprise guest. That's worth, what, $5.95? And Journey's gonna play, and you already pay $5 for the privilege of hearing one of their songs in a karaoke bar.

Oh, and some of the proceeds from the pay-per-view thing will go toward Philippines relief, although Neal and Michaele aren't saying how much. (Depends on how many people watch, probably.) So you could throw in an extra few bucks for that, right?

All in all it's a pretty good deal, because we haven't even mentioned that you'll be getting:

- Sammy Hagar, hopefully in a red tuxedo.

- Tower of Power, also performing.

- A 35-person wedding party, complete with 18 bridesmaids and 14 groomsmen.

And, it's the first-ever celebrity* wedding broadcast live on pay-per-view.

So when you look at it like that, how can you afford not to watch Neal and Michaele: The Winter Wonderland Wedding and Music Event this Sunday, is the question.

*Discussion question: Are Neal Schon and Michaele Holt Salahi real celebrities?


-- @iPORT

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Ian S. Port


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