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Wednesday, June 12, 2013

5 Musicians Who Wrote Children's Books

Posted By on Wed, Jun 12, 2013 at 9:42 AM

As we all know, the most irritating Beatles song in history is "Yellow Submarine." Well, we learned yesterday that the second most irritating Beatles song in history, "Octopus's Garden," is about to be turned into a children's book, which will come with a CD of unheard Ringo Starr tracks. (Joy.) The book thing wasn't actually the drummer's idea, but when Simon & Schuster approached Starr and asked to use his song this way, he agreed. Ringo's not the first musician to get involved in children's publishing, and he won't be the last. Here are some that have gone before him.


Back in her Blond Ambition days, if Madonna had made a reference to "Mr. Peabody's Apples," we'd have assumed it was a euphemism for Warren Beatty's nether-regions. Sadly, it's actually the title of one of her children's books about a school teacher/little league coach who is the victim of slanderous gossip in the small town of Happville. In addition to writing an entire series called "The English Roses," Madonna also wrote what is actually quite a splendid tale of pompous dog-hood called "Lotsa de Casha." Which is kind of awesome. Dammit!

Vinnie Stigma, Agnostic Front


What's the title of Vinnie Stigma's children's book? The appropriately bitter: "I Thought You Were My Friend." Stigma told the Tyranny of Tradition website that he "was thinkin' about how stupid kids are today with all of the hugging and

sharing nonsense... So, I

wrote this book to help them not be so freakin' dumb. Teach 'em some

stuff that could make them so they don't get their skulls smashed in

everyday and whatnot." Yes. And whatnot. It's funny that Stigma thinks he wrote the book though -- the entire story is basically that Warriors movie from 1979, done with rabbits. Nice try, buddy.

Geri Halliwell, Spice Girls


Given the fact that her daughter is named Bluebell Madonna, we think Ginger Spice's children's book character, Ugenia Lavender, has rather a dull name. Just kidding. Ugenia herself looks like a Bratz doll and is "totally ingenious!" So, it's basically one big extension of the Spice Girls' version of girl power -- a bit shallow and a bit shouty. Still probably better than Disney princesses though, it has to be said.


Jewel has released a ton of country music specifically geared towards children, and her kids' book, "That's What I'd Do", is accompanied by a lullaby of the same name on CD, for parents to play as they go through the book with their offspring. Of all the other singers putting out children's literature, Jewel seems to put the most feeling into hers -- both book and lullaby are about the bond between mother and child. Cuteness overload.


Sting was too busy having tantric sex and slappindabass to come up with his own story, so he just did a re-working of biblical tale of Noah's Ark, titled: "Rocksteady: A Story of Noah's Ark." It seems like an odd choice, given that he once told Time magazine "I'm essentially agnostic. I don't have a problem with God. I have a

problem with religion. I've chosen to live my life without the

certainties of religious faith. I think they're dangerous." Way to corrupt a generation, dude!

-- @Raemondjjjj

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