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Thursday, December 13, 2012

6 Best Moments From the 12.12.12 Concert: Sir Paul and Nirvana, Bruce's Bulge, and More

Posted By on Thu, Dec 13, 2012 at 3:45 AM

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Last night a gigantic fundraiser took place in New York's Madison Square Garden to raise money for Hurricane Sandy cleanup and relief efforts. This thing was almost six hours long. Six! We could've flown there in that time! In case you weren't inclined to spend that insane amount of time in front of your television, here are the 12.12.12 Concert's six most memorable moments.

1. Nirvana becomes Paul McCartney's backing band

We're not gonna lie: We're pretty stoked anytime Dave Grohl gets behind a drum kit. But to see him do it sandwiched between Pat Smear and Krist Novoselic made us feel a stupid level of nostalgia and so sad about Kurt's, uh, absence. Up front, of course, was Sir Paul McCartney -- but, to be honest, we felt a bit disappointed by the whole thing. This was the most hyped moment of the night and, in the end, it lasted all of one song -- the new "Cut Me Some Slack," which the boys worked out during a rehearsal session. One song! Hmpf. Better than nothing, we guess.

2. Jon Bon Jovi distracts us from Springsteen's bulging pants

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It was The Boss who opened the concert, but before Jon Bon Jovi arrived to share the stage with him, all we'd been looking at was the giant bulge in Springsteen's pants. It was simply mesmerizing. And while his too-tight-jeans answered many of our questions (like: yes, Bruce is a briefs man, and yes, Pattie Schialfa is a lucky lady), it left us with many more unanswered ones. Like: does he know his groin looks like that right now? Is he aroused or is the lighting playing tricks on us? Has anyone told him how much intimate anatomical detail is visible to the entire world right now? Only the arrival of Jon Bon Jovi's feathery hair and leathery shirt could get our minds off the bulge. The duo's rendition of "Born to Run" was such a triumphant joy to behold, we didn't think about Springsteen's penis for at least three minutes. Phew!

3. Mick Jagger somehow makes hurricanes sound like a good thing

It's almost shameful how much The Rolling Stones still kick ass live. These folks have put their bodies through an absurd amount of abuse over the last 50 years, and last night they proved that, despite it all, they're still the best. Then it happened: "I was booown... in uh crossfyuh hurricaaayne..." So Mick Jagger drawled at the start of "Jumpin' Jack Flash." And somehow it didn't seem wrong -- it sounded legitimately great. Coolest. Senior. Citizens. Ever.

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