If you were masochistic enough to sit through the coverage of the Republican National Convention in its entirety, then you'd have heard good ol' country boy Trace Adkins doing a heartfelt rendition of a song titled "Tough People Do" (which is ironic given that Mitt Romney hasn't had a tough day in his over-privileged life.) Well, throw a party because this week, you too can own this piece of flag-waving, jingoistic nonsense. Why is this thing so awful? Let us count the ways...
1. The Opening Line:
"Back in '39, she was 26, The wife of a soldier trying to raise four kids." Hey Trace! You know what's awesome about living in 2012 instead of 1939? Ladies have access to birth control now, so they don't have to get stuck at home raising four children alone on a budget that doesn't allow them to turn the heat on! Today, thanks to Planned Parenthood and the invention of the pill, 26-year-old women don't have to try and keep too many children warm using only "a patchwork quilt" and "watered down milk." But hey, thanks for trying to make that hellish scenario sound romantic, because if the Republicans get their way, the ladies of this fine nation will be back, barefoot and pregnant and shackled to a kitchen sink with no morning after pill and not an abortion clinic in sight. Stop trying to make this shit sound awesome, Trace. It's grim, mate. Grim.
2. Mentioning a Soldier in the First Five Seconds
Right-wing folks just have to drag the military into absolutely everything because it's a quick way to get people to not argue with their war-related points of view. It's cheap and it's manipulative and it's a totally over-used device. We can support our troops without supporting wars that get this nation deeper into debt and waste the lives of our dedicated service people. Quit it.
3. "Tough Times Don't Last, Tough People Do..."
You know that thing the Republicans were doing for the entire RNC? That thing where they used sweeping generalizations, told us they were going to fix the country, then offered no specific methods of doing so whatsoever? This chorus reminds us of that. So we hate it. Even though we quite like tough people and a general sense of survivalist spirit.
4. The CNN Reference
"Those talking heads on CNN, say we'll never get out of this hole we're in." Ummm... Is that a real thing? We don't think so. CNN ain't the greatest news channel in the world, but just because they're not constantly shouting "America! Fuck Yeah!" (like Fox News, which is probably what Mr. Adkins watches) doesn't mean they're saying the country is doomed forever. Cheap shot, Trace. Cheap shot. Asking relevant questions does not equal shitting on your country or encouraging pessimism.
5. The "Red, White and Blue"
Don't get us wrong, we love the American flag. We do. It's quite lovely. But has it ever occurred to the people that are obsessed with calling it "the red, white and blue" that the phrase is inherently ignorant and stupid? You know who else has a flag that's red, white and blue? The U.K. And Russia. And France. And Norway. And Puerto Rico. And Australia. And Luxembourg. And Iceland. And Cambodia. And New Zealand. And Cuba. And North Korea. And Thailand. And a whole heap of others as well. Isn't it a little arrogant to refer to our flag as if it's the only one made up of those three very popular colors? Way to make us sound insular and selfish, Adkins. Your song sucks.
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