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Friday, June 29, 2012

The Top 5 Most Repulsive Moments in Lana Del Rey's Videos

Posted By on Fri, Jun 29, 2012 at 9:38 AM


As we all know, Lana Del Rey is a vastly annoying human. We've all got our own personal reasons to be irritated -- maybe it was SNL, maybe it was the dating Axl Rose thing, maybe it's her lack of true credibility or any discernible personality. For us though, it's the damn music videos. Nowhere else is LDR quite so vacuous, gross, and irritating. Let us prove it: Here's a rundown of the top five dumbest moments in Lana Del Rey's videos.

5. The Trout Pout in "Video Games"

It's a montage video. With clips of LDR miming along lifelessly to "Video Games." The remarkable thing is, even with all the clips and the skateboarding and the cartoons and the flashing images, literally the only thing we could remember at the end of watching this for the first time was LDR's fish pout. It's so blown-up and weird here, it could be used by parents as an illustration of the face-sticking horrors that occur if you pull a face for too long. Maybe if she relaxed that thing once in a while, the rest of her face would have enough blood flow for an actual facial expression. Jeez.

4. The 'Romance' in "Born To Die"

There's nothing more romantic than having the dude you're sleeping with try to choke you while you're just minding your own business, having a little lie down. Oh, except for when he carries your dead and bloodied body away from the burning inferno he just caused by forcibly making out with you while driving, instead of watching the road. As we all know, true passion always involves someone dying. Thanks for the life lesson, LDR.  

3. The Mouth-Fingering in "Blue Jeans"

It's hard not to be consistently concerned about LDR in this one too, looking, as she does, like a woman about to take her last breath, all the way through. Far and away our favorite part of the "Blue Jeans" video though, happens 1:23 seconds in, when Mr. Choke Hold from "Born To Die" leans over LDR's half dead body and very thoughtfully rams two fingers in her mouth. We assume this move was intended to be sexy. To us, it actually more closely resembles an attempt to induce vomiting in an overdose victim. Nice one, kids.

2. The Marilyn Monroe Thing in "National Anthem"


Marilyn Monroe is undoubtedly one of the sexiest women in history. Her saucy Happy Birthday serenade to JFK, mid-affair, was one of the most tantalizing and memorable performances of the century. Anybody -- and we do mean, anybody -- trying to recreate that kind of sass and sex-appeal would run into trouble, so why LDR felt the need to do her own bland and stiff "Happy Birthday Mr President" routine at the beginning of the "National Anthem" video is totally beyond us. Groan-worthy -- and not in the sexy-time way.

1. The Jackie O Thing in "National Anthem"

Re-enacting the assassination of JFK in your music video is in tremendously poor taste (although Marilyn Manson did it once, over a decade ago). As if the ickiness of LDR trying to glamorize somebody's murder wasn't enough, she also seems to be laboring under the impression that if she backcombs her hair enough and puts on clothing from the sixties, she will have the grace, poise and je ne sais quoi of Jackie Onassis. Newsflash! Nobody does! Nothing screams ego-mania like impersonating Jackie O and Marilyn Monroe in the same music video. Be ashamed, Del Rey, be ashamed.

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