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Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Top 5 Reasons Lady Gaga Should Move to the Bay Area

Posted By on Tue, Mar 13, 2012 at 4:00 AM

Lady Gaga in San Jose, not far from her maybe soon-to-be home. - CHRISTOPHER VICTORIO
  • Christopher Victorio
  • Lady Gaga in San Jose, not far from her maybe soon-to-be home.

Though she was born in New York City, recent news suggests Lady Gaga might be considering a move to the Bay Area. At the end of last month, Gaga was spotted hitting the rounds of fancy restaurants in Sonoma, and (those infallible) British tabloids now claim the 25-year-old pop star is thinking about buying a vineyard in the area. (It's already clear that she loves S.F.)

We find all of his rather thrilling, because hey -- the Bay Area could really benefit from having Lady Gaga as a semi-permanent resident. What for, you ask? Here are the top five reasons we want Lady Gaga to move here.

5. So we could wave it in L.A.'s face

"Oh, what's that, Los Angeles? You think you're California's capital of famous musicians? Well, who cares if you're home to the Grammys, the Oscars, the entire recording industry, star-studded sidewalks, the California Dream, and that cool Capitol Records building. We didn't want Katy Perry, David Geffen, or Axl Rose, anyway. And -- oh, sorry! It looks like we have a wine-tasting at Lady Gaga's place we need to be getting to. Ta-ta! And good luck on the 405!"

Lady Gaga in high school.
  • Lady Gaga in high school.

4. She might finally get California to legalize gay marriage

Sure, Prop. 8 is out of the people's hands now, but having an ultrafamous homo-lover like Stefani Germanotta agitate for the rights of gays seems like it could only help their case in the Golden State. And when it inevitably does become legal for men and women to marry whomever they want, how great would it be if Lady Gaga was there to celebrate in the Castro?

3. She could teach us how to dress well

There are many things Northern Californians have going for us -- intelligence, environmental awareness, rain -- but unfortunately, sartorial skills are generally not one of them. And while it's admittedly possible that Gaga might slip into a habit of brown flannel and loose denim if she were to relocate to the Sonoma sticks, another outcome seems more likely: Having the Mother Monster in our midst would both inspire and instruct Bay Area residents to lose the fleece and Birkenstocks in favor of giant heels, fishnet bodysuits, and black leather. Or at least, clothes that were considered cool somewhere within the last decade. And when we make her an all-meat dress, it'll be hormone-free, locally grown, free range, and totally organic, obvi.

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Ian S. Port


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