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Thursday, February 16, 2012

Rick Santorum, 1975 Loretta Lynn Has Something to Say to You

Posted By on Thu, Feb 16, 2012 at 11:50 AM

click to enlarge loretta_1975backinthecountry.jpg

This morning, a Wyoming gasbag who backs Rick Santorum puked up some ridiculous words on TV news for all us Internet people to laugh at. (This is what TV news is for.)

Big-money Santorum super PAC donor Foster Friess told MSNBC's Andrea Mitchell:

Back in my days, [women] used Bayer aspirin for contraceptives. The gals put it between their knees and it wasn't that costly.

Women don't do that anymore, probably because guys like Friess got worried that women might be enjoying this technique after aspirin got all smooth and gel-capped and kind of sexy. Also, this most likely means that at some point, a horny young Foster Friess must have wound up disappointed in the backseat of a jalopy, with powdery white old-school aspirin all over his junk. Which is hilarious.

It looks like the 2012 war on contraception is a real thing and not -- as I first suspected -- a sneaky way for Republican men to encourage more frequent oral sex.

Of course, for sensible people, this debate was ended way back in 1975, when Loretta Lynn finally unleashed her long-held-back single "The Pill," which pretty much says everything that needs to be said on the subject.

Perhaps Santorum's campaign slogan should be, "The Feeling Good Will No Longer Come Easy." Or, "Gentlemen, Set Your Hens."

Thanks, Loretta! How I'd love to see you grab a rolling pin and chase brooder-hens like Friess and Santorum all around the barnyard. And thanks to Facebookers David Cantwell and Joyce Linehan, who both just posted "The Pill" today and got my juices flowing. NOT SEX JUICES, RICK, I PROMISE.

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