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Wednesday, September 7, 2011

The Six Best James Bond Themes Ever, In Honor of Adele's Forthcoming Contribution

Posted By on Wed, Sep 7, 2011 at 8:09 AM

Future Bond singer?
  • Future Bond singer?

So, rumors continue to circulate that Adele will be responsible for the next James Bond theme -- hell, she practically admitted it on a British talk show a few days ago. We think this is fantastic news, because the last few have been either remarkably unmemorable (Chris Cornell practically put us to sleep with "You Know My Name") or rather un-Bond-y (Madonna doing Auto-Tune all over "Die Another Day" -- bleugh). Bond songs are supposed to be huge, bombastic, and vaguely nonsensical affairs, and we think Adele will take this opportunity and do something fabulous with it. While we wait though, here are our six favorite Bond themes so far.

"Goldfinger," Shirley Bassey

This is the one -- along with Bassey's "Diamonds Are Forever" -- that set the tone entirely for all subsequent Bond movie themes. By which we mean, this song is so completely and utterly ridiculous, ostentatious and un-ironic, it stays with you forever. And it's funny! Granted, maybe not as funny as Sheen Easton doing "For Your Eyes Only", but Bassey performs this with all the insane finger gestures, crazy eyes, and overacting of a drunk aunt losing it on the dance floor at a bachelorette party. Watching Bassey perform this is actually more entertaining than any Bond movie we've ever seen. No really.

"Nobody Does It Better," Carly Simon

Speaking of hilarious, if you were tasked with soundtracking a movie scene in which a man skis off a cliff, free-falls for a while, then parachutes -- while looking incredibly smug -- to safety, what would you choose? Probably something a bit more exciting than Carly bloody Simon. Other things you don't immediately think of while listening to Carly Simon are trampolining and naked cartwheeling ... but those somehow made it into the title sequence of The Spy Who Loved Me as well. Nonetheless, we love that this has all the pomp and ceremony we expect from a Bond theme, while allowing for a moment of infatuated sappiness. Nice balance there, Simon -- we salute you.

"Goldeneye," Tina Turner

Fact: Tina Turner is infallible. (And way more memorable than Pierce Brosnan).

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