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Thursday, August 25, 2011

Marijuana Strains That Sound Like Band Names

Posted By on Thu, Aug 25, 2011 at 10:52 AM


Walk into any medical marijuana dispensary -- from the highest end

Gaia-loving doobie-works to the grungiest toke hole -- and you'll behold a list

of outlandish (and often annotated) strain names guaranteed to confound

untutored neophytes and lung-abused crusties alike. Sadly, a plain doper with a

brand-new pot card knows no end of confusion trying to make sense of a slew

of proper nouns that read like random passages from Nova Express, so we offer the following in the interest of pop mnemonics and pain relief: Marijuana strains that sound like band names.

Strain name: Golden Goat

Strain type: Indica

Tastes like: Euphoria

Band genre:

Sensitive indie rock with a quadriplegic drummer named "Stumpy."

Strain name: Jock


Strain type: Sativa,

light and sweet

Tastes like: Salem

Ultra Lights

Band genre: Some

Cramps knockoff from Boonton, NJ, in town and beelining for the Castro and

glory. The lead singer was Frank N. Furter at the local Friday night screening

of Rocky Horror for six glorious


Strain name: White


Strain type: Sativa/indica

with a 60/40 split

Tastes like:

Shredded Monopoly money soaked in hash oil

Band genre: All-girl

Billy Idol tribute band. The bassist didn't sleep with Vince Neil. Not a wink,

she didn't.


Strain name:

Grape Ape

Strain Type:


Tastes like:

Welcome to the monkey house

Band genre:

Oakland art rockers who once opened for Abe Vigoda and won't shut up about it.

Strain name: P.


Strain type:


Tastes like: You

can't remember

Band genre: P.

Diddy's next name change.


Strain name: Platinum


Strain type:


Tastes like: The

green-brown grass of home

Band genre: Greg

Ginn, Steve Earle, Larry "Rhino" Reinhardt, and the unquiet ghost of T. Texas

Tyler play all your fav Atlanta Rhythm Section tunes live at the Yoknapatawpha

County Fair. They'll be barbecuing whole Methodists. Yawl come!


Strain name: Blue

Moon Rocks

Strain type:

Indica dominant hybrid

Tastes like: A

hint of Boo Berry

Band genre: 11-member

Eugene, Ore., jam-band specializing in Middle Eastern-inflected funk-boogie. Or would,

if the bellydancers hadn't quit, the oud player hadn't gone to junk, and the

roadie would've refrained from pawning all the equipment for a ticket to

Burning Man 2011 priced at a reasonable three times face value. 

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Ron Garmon


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