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Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Eight Rock 'n' Roll Poop Bombs: Exploring Pop Music and Shit

Posted By on Tue, Aug 2, 2011 at 7:00 AM

Page 2 of 2

Rock 'n' Roll Poop Bomb No. 5

Before the Internet, before every iota of information about everything was a point and two clicks away, I could have told you there was an R&B singer by the name of Millie Jackson and that in 1989 she cut an LP titled Back to the Shit, and that two of the songs on this release are dubbed "Love Stinks" and "Muffle That Fart," and that on the cover of this unquestioned masterpiece is a picture of Ms. Jackson striking her finest porcelain assassin pose, and not for a nanosecond would you have believed that any of what I told you was true -- that somewhere in the deep, grody recesses of my imagination, I deviously crafted this as part of some puerile ruse.

millie_jackson_back_to_the_shit.jpg

Yet, here is that album cover, depicting Jackson in all her squatty glory. What I find the most troubling about this picture is that Jackson's expression indicates that her output was especially prodigious, yet her TP supply is worryingly low.

Rock 'n' Roll Poop Bomb No. 6

In 1994, Green Day shelved the working title for their third album, A Blush Is Modesty's First Impulse and Sophistication's Afterthought, and went with the less-wordy Dookie. And just in case consumers weren't certain if this was indeed a euphemism for butt biscuits (these were the days before Urban Dictionary, after all), the cover featured Where's Waldo?-inspired artwork of men and animals tossing their stink pickles at one another.

pigeon_shit.jpg

Rock 'n' Roll Poop Bomb No. 7

Last July, a Kings of Leon show in St. Louis ended prematurely when the band was poop-bombed by nesting pigeons. Lead singer Caleb Followill even caught some avian bum toss in his mouth. Awesome! This may have been the first recorded indication that pigeons do in fact have their own set of highly evolved, well-constructed tastes. (Quick aside: Having a bird shit on you is good luck, no? Later in the year, Kings of Leon were nominated for a Grammy, while their single "Come Around Sundown" hit No. 2 on the Billboard charts. Maybe Followill and company should stick to gigging under bridges and in derelict buildings.)

Rock 'n' Roll Poop Bomb No. 8

On a recent episode of MTV's When I Was 17, R&B singer-songwriter Chris Brown confessed to falling prey to food poisoning and then "sharting" during a live performance. For my own personal amusement, I like to imagine that Brown's bowels betrayed him during a particularly deep split. Fortunately, he was saved by one of his show's many wardrobe changes. (Quick aside: Why do sharts have to pester artists such as Brown? Why can't they befall human enemas like Michael Feinstein, preferably while he's covering George Gershwin at some upscale Manhattan supper club?)

Dad Rock is a column in which Ryan Foley attempts to look at pop music and pop culture from the precipice of middle age. If he ultimately leaps, it's because tiny hands ruined his Galaxie 500 vinyl. Accusations that he's raising five insufferable hipster children can be sent to mofrackie@gmail.com.

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Ryan Foley

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