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Thursday, July 14, 2011

Carlos Santana Endorses Tequila Brand, No Word Yet on Drink-Off with Sammy Hagar

Posted By on Thu, Jul 14, 2011 at 6:30 AM

"Bring it, Sammy"
  • "Bring it, Sammy"

Carlos Santana, your local guitar god, is endorsing some expensive tequila brand called Casa Noble. Wow. Cool. Amaaazing.

Okay, not really. Apparently the 10-time Grammy winner has a "passion for excellence" or something, and so do the people at this particular Jalisco distillery. Dude was so smitten with the firm that he not only signed on to endorse the stuff, he also bought a piece of the company and took a seat on its board of directors.

Admittedly this is all highly unexciting -- except for the fact that now, two Bay Area six-string-slingers have their own tequila brands! The other, of course, is Sammy Hagar -- "Red Rocker," author, and temporary affiliate of Eddie "too 'faced all the time to taste what he drinks, anyway" Van Halen.

These days, Hagar is almost as famous for his Cabo Wabo distilled agave nectar as he is for failing to follow the speed limit. And by now you must see where this is going:

Hagar has a tequila. Santana has a tequila. There can only be one way to resolve this.


Advantage: Hagar
  • Advantage: Hagar

Come on, people! This is just what the washed-up gracefully aging rockers of the Bay Area need to reignite the fire and get people interested! You've heard all those lyrics in popular rap songs about Patron? If Carlos and Sammy sat down in a room with a few bottles of Cabo Wabo and Casa Noble and started pounding out shots, who knows what could happen to their public image (or their stock of Cialis)?

Actually, we have one idea. It starts with "S" and ends with "upergroup." And that'd be terrible/fun -- but which tequila would they get for the green room at shows?

Before the hugging and slurring and band-forming, anyway, there would be some wasted-ass Bay Area guitar players. First one who can't stand up has to play bass!

If when there's a drink-off, we're betting money on Hagar. Just being affiliated with Van Halen must have given him the liquor tolerance of a cast-iron pot, and you can tell from this prissy video that Santana probably doesn't go around shooting doubles of Casa Noble single-barrel añejo every night:

Which is too bad, because we'd love to see Sammy forced to play rhythm to one of Santana's interminable slow-jam solos.

This drink-off, while magical, productive, healthy, entertaining, and imaginary, will probably never happen. But there is one way to decide who among the two Bay Area rockers who now have their own tequila brands is best: Judge their tequilas!

The website, whose readers and writers seem to know more about tequila than we will ever wake up remembering, has ratings for both rockers' brands. Casa Noble, the one Santana bought into, has a fancy-schmancy añejo that gets a 97 rating. Meanwhile the top offering from Hagar's Cabo Wabo firm, an añejo reserva, gets a mere 93.

That's right: The Red Rocker hits a 93, which is totally and completely suckier than Interminable Soloist's score of 97. (Both tequilas are supposed to be excellent, but that's not very rock 'n' roll.)

So sorry, Sammy, but it looks like you've been bested by the newcomer. If you want to prove your manhood, superiority, and better taste in adult beverages, you'll have to submit to a drink-off. And invite us, duh.


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