Get SF Weekly Newsletters

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Meet Your New Favorite Band (to Intensely Dislike): Black Veil Brides

Posted By on Tue, Jul 5, 2011 at 2:11 PM

Black Veil Brides at the Warped Tour - CALIBREE PHOTOGRAPHY
  • Calibree Photography
  • Black Veil Brides at the Warped Tour

At first we thought that was KISS strutting up at us from our slideshow of this weekend's Warped Tour at Shoreline Amphitheatre. But no -- monstrous black-and-white makeup aside, those guys are way too skinny to be in KISS.

Turns out we were eyeing Black Veil Brides, a Hollywood pop-metal act whose members look like the gaudy Grand Poobahs of arena rock if they were meth heads. This is apparently the kind of thing that now passes for Warped Tour fare: zebra-zombie makeup, bondagey black pleather getups, comical rhinestone-cross ear medallions. Take your yearly beer budget, double it, and you've got what these dudes spend on eyeliner in a single night. And just like their fast-heavy-soaring songs, you can't tell any of these semishirtless band members apart.

Aren't we supposed to make fun of bands for looking like this?
  • Aren't we supposed to make fun of bands for looking like this?

Is it just us -- and the considerable time that has elapsed since we were 13 -- or is this all completely confusing? Is it supposed to be punk? Is it supposed to be metal? Is it supposed to be good?

At the core, this is just pop of the most mundane teenage self-help variety, with vague reassurances (sample refrain: "No one can tell you who you are") inserted sans context over staple moves from three decades of heavy/fast rock. One moment they're cribbing generic thrash metal, but the shout-along chorus in each radio-friendly song owes its origins to straight-up hardcore. And their outfits are pure hair metal.

Summing up this catastrophe is the video for "Fallen Angels," below. It has the band members rising from the wreckage of a post-apocalyptic L.A., dressed in the worst leather-and-studs garb, singing to reassure their insecure listeners of their place in the (now-destroyed?) world. Just like the video, Black Veiled Brides represent an age of heavy music where all of the previous orders have been dismantled, and where there is no contradiction, or even irony, in melding elements of once-distinct musical styles into one bland hard-rock sausage -- not to innovate, not to challenge, but simply to pander to young consumers' self-doubt.

Ugh. If these people are to inherit the world -- or even the Warped Tour -- please, let us perish. Or at least spend eternity listening to KISS.

----

Follow us on Twitter @SFAllShookDown, follow Ian S. Port @iPORT, and like us at Facebook.com/SFAllShookDown.

  • Pin It

Tags: , , , ,

About The Author

Ian S. Port

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Popular Stories

  1. Most Popular Stories
  2. Stories You Missed

Like us on Facebook

Slideshows

  • clipping at Brava Theater Sept. 11
    Sub Pop recording artists 'clipping.' brought their brand of noise-driven experimental hip hop to the closing night of 2016's San Francisco Electronic Music Fest this past Sunday. The packed Brava Theater hosted an initially seated crowd that ended the night jumping and dancing against the front of the stage. The trio performed a set focused on their recently released Sci-Fi Horror concept album, 'Splendor & Misery', then delved into their dancier and more aggressive back catalogue, and recent single 'Wriggle'. Opening performances included local experimental electronic duo 'Tujurikkuja' and computer music artist 'Madalyn Merkey.'"