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Wednesday, May 25, 2011

The Top Five Utterly Embarrassing White Girl Rap Songs

Posted By on Wed, May 25, 2011 at 12:45 PM

Kreashawyn's "Gucci Gucci" is blowing up. The video to the song from the Bay Area-raised female rapper, which features cameos from members of Odd Future, is on track to top over a million YouTube views since its release last week. It's a high point in Kreashawyn's short career so far, as she attempts to take her White Girl Mob movement into the mainstream. But when it comes to tolerating fairer-skinned female rappers, hip-hop history is against her -- as these five unceremonious low points show.

5. Lady Sovereign, "I Got You Dancing"

Pitched as the pint-sized and punchy female face of the British grime movement, Lady Sovereign hood-winked Jay-Z into signing her to Def Jam while he was in charge. Alas, her attempts to crack the US rap market fell flat, possibly thanks to a rapping voice based around an insufferable mix of Cockney brogue and ragga patois and a propensity for lyrics like, "Think twice before I break-dance/ I Might fall on my arse and break my arms." Adding a layer of class to Sov's career, she was also challenged to a rap battle by a man dressed as a donut while performing at Mezzanine and appeared on Celebrity Big Brother.

4. Tarrie B, "Murder She Wrote"

Styled as a hip-hop gangsta's moll, Tarrie B had a decent team behind her 1990 debut, The Power Of A Woman: Eazy E acted as her mentor and label boss, while production came from Philadelphia gangsta rap pioneer Schoolly D and Quincy Jones' son, QD III. Tarrie even displayed a commitment to hip-hop's grand tradition of coining ridiculous backronyms by claiming that the B in her moniker stood for "Bitch" and broke down to Being In Total Control of Herself. Unfortunately, she fared less well with boasts like, "Not brown, not black, as a matter of fact/I'm white, so believe the hype!" After being spurned by the hip-hop community, Tarrie sensibly re-styled herself as an alt-metal artist.

3. Fergie, "London Bridge

While you can credit Fergie's dour warbling with turning the Black Eyed Peas from a fairly underground, almost back-packerish hip-hop troop into pop chart toppers, her solo songs are the stuff to induce cringes. Produced by Polow da Don, "London Bridge" features Fergie attempting to kick sassy lyrics like, "I'm Fergie Ferg let me love you long time," and explain how she's "such a lady but I'm dancing like a ho." Her delivery of such sentiments brings to mind only the image of a gaggle of middle-aged women hitting the vino too early in the afternoon and hilariously attempting to make a hip-hop ditty. (Ancestral Note: Fergie's ethnic background also weaves in Mexican and Native American influences, although her raps are straight white bred.)

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Phillip Mlynar


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