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Monday, March 28, 2011

The Top 6 Most Ridiculous Examples Of Lyrical Censorship

Posted By on Mon, Mar 28, 2011 at 8:14 AM

Fact: it is impossible to fight crazy. So what the hell are

the radio stations of Malaysia

thinking, going up against Lady Gaga? Apparently they've taken her new LGBT-empowerment

anthem, "Born This Way" and removed all the, uh, LGBT content. Way to miss the

whole point of the song, Malaysia!

Gaga is not impressed.

So, to honor her fight for free speech, here's our top six most ridiculous

examples of lyrical censorship. Take it away, heathens!

6. "Hollaback Girl," Gwen Stefani

We didn't know Gwen Stefani could get any more irritating

until this little gem of a song came out. Then, what would've ordinarily just

been a nonsensical track that grated on us in a regular sort of way became a

song that was positively excruciating. There are three-year-old children who

know full well that when Gwen holds her finger or hand up to her mouth in

this video, what she's really wanting to do is say "shit" -- and even they don't

care. Frankly, the aggravation of hearing the word cut off over and over again,

along with Stefani's stupid "oopsy" facial expressions here, is far, far worse than hearing the word "shit" 38 times.

5. "Tell Me Baby," Red Hot Chili Peppers

Anthony Kiedis has been babbling nonsensically for decades

now. No offense, but no one's been listening to the words since Californication, at the very latest. So why bother forcing them to change the

line "life can be a little shitty" to -- oh, dear God -- "life can be a little

kitty." Life can be a little kitty? It's like they want us to vomit all over

ourselves! And hate kittens!

4. "Lola," The Kinks

Now, this is the stuff of legend. Back in 1970, the UK's

revered -- if a little stuffy -- public service broadcaster, the BBC, had no beef with

The Kinks over the transvestite-related content of this song. They did,

however, take offense to the repeated mention of Coca-Cola, since no

commercials are permitted on BBC channels. So, instead, they had Ray Davies

sing "cherry cola" when "Lola" was performed on BBC TV. Usually when we say something was a genius move, we're

being sarcastic. But we're not being sarcastic when we say that that was a

genius move. Thanks for being so anal, BBC! "Cherry cola" is way better!

3. "Hip Hop Is Dead," Nas featuring

We've thought about this long and hard and we still can't

figure out why it was so butchered for airplay. Look up the lyrics,

hit play, and follow along. Are we missing some dark, evil hidden message here?

Even the word "crap" is taken out! We feel bad for Nas. (But not for

though, because frankly, we'd like to see everything he does silenced out into

oblivion. Man. Can't we just

censor The Black Eyed Peas out of existence altogether?)

 2. "Gold Digger", Kanye West featuring Jamie Foxx

If a black man wants to use the N-word, he should be allowed

to use the N-word. Reclaiming offensive language takes away its power, don't

you know, and that's a valuable thing. Also, we just really shitting hate it

when a word gets changed and then a chorus that rhymed originally no longer

rhymes. More get more frustrated even than Kanye does when he tries to sleep on fur pillows (according to one of his Tweets, that's "hard"). 

1. "Picture To Burn," Taylor Swift

Oooh, hide your children! That Satanic harpey from hell, Taylor

Swift, is on the radio! Behold "Picture To Burn" -- a song that used to feature the

line "So go and tell your friends that I'm obsessive and crazy/ That's fine,

I'll tell mine you're gay." It doesn't anymore, though, because someone with way

too much time on their hands stepped in before the song could reach major

stations and changed the last bit to "That's fine, you won't mind if I say." Phew! That was close. Because as we all know, acknowledging that homosexuality exists in any context whatsoever,

is the devil's work. We literally can't think of anyone more innocuous being censored.

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