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Monday, November 8, 2010

The Five Dumbest Songs By Artists Glen E. Friedman Has Photographed

Posted By on Mon, Nov 8, 2010 at 10:09 AM

The Dead Kennedys, photographed by Glen E. Friedman
  • The Dead Kennedys, photographed by Glen E. Friedman
The Dead Kennedys, photographed by Glen E. Friedman
As you may have seen in the Nov. 3 issue of SF Weekly, legendary photographer Glen E. Friedman brought his long-running "Fuck You All" exhibit to 941 Geary this past weekend, where it will happily live for the rest of 2010. We are so thrilled we'll probably send it flowers, visit it once a week, then take ourselves out for ice-cream and a romantic walk afterwards.

Of the incredible punk rock, skateboard, and hip-hop photos he is famed for, Friedman has said he wants them to "kick [people's] ass[es] into doing something new." But we're a little bit worried that a collection of this magnitude of coolness might be a little intimidating, that those in attendance might immediately feel lame by comparison. So, with that in mind, we wanted to reassure you all that even the ridiculously innovative, unique, and inspirational artists featured in Friedman's photos slip up now and again. Here then, are the five dumbest songs by Glen E. Friedman subjects.

5. "My Adidas," Run-D.M.C.

Remember when the ladies of "Sex & The City "would endlessly club viewers over the head with the words "Manolos" and "Blahniks" week after week -- and how obnoxious that was? Think of this as the musical prequel to that. Not that we don't enjoy it (it's Run-D.M.C. for crying out loud -- they could be rapping about seal-clubbing and we'd probably still dance). But, let's be real here: product placement sucks, regardless of who's placing the product. And, in this context, the line "I stepped on stage at Live Aid, all the people gave and the poor got paid" makes it sound like Adidas made that happen -- if we were Bob Geldof or Midge Ure we'd be hella pissed.

4. "TV Party," Black Flag

We're perfectly aware that any dumbness on display here is adopted, self-conscious stupidity, used only to hold up a mirror to society's habitual brain-numbing activities. We get it, we love this song, that's all fine. However, we can't help but feel unimaginable glee every time we see Henry Rollins here, six-pack in hand, yelling "That's incredible!" at the TV. And, yeah, it's kind of weird, but there's something surreally comforting about knowing that Black Flag were aware of both "Dallas" and "Quincy, M.E." (and also that Rollins' original attempts at acting were clearly even worse than his subsequent movie efforts in the 1990s).

3. "Killer Wolf," Danzig

A brief synopsis before you have to bear witness to this perplexingly ridiculous video: Glenn Danzig hangs out with wolf. Wolf tries to lick Glenn's manly William Shatner chest. Danzig flexes. Wolf howls. Blonde woman looks bored in cabin; subsequently models Wonderbra on rocking chair. Danzig flexes again. Everyone present takes part in hair commercial while wearing QVC jewelry. Everyone present takes turns to lean on wooden beams. Danzig flexes yet again. Woman develops crazy eye. Band promo shot taken. The End. Beyond stupid.

2. "Girls," Beastie Boys

Seriously. Does anyone actually like this song? How do we still have to hear it so often when it is literally one of the most irritating tracks ever recorded -- ever? We're not exaggerating when we say we'd rather listen to Bobby McFerrin's "Don't Worry Be Happy" on repeat for an hour than this for five minutes. Even an hour of crying children is better than this song.

1. "Body Rock," Ice-T

Before Ice-T was an "O.G." and a TV cop (whoever gave him that job after he wrote "Cop Killa" with Body Count is either hilarious or unaware of irony as a concept), he was a guy in a fetish hardness and a fetching hat, making disco tunes. Don't believe us? We can't blame you, because we could only find one video for this song and it's not embeddable. Instead, here's a link to it, and please, please, use it, because "Ice-T is gonna tell ya 'bout the hip-hop world!", all the while sounding a little bit like Jimmy from South Park. "Body Work" is truly astounding. And it will probably make you laugh all day. Just go listen to it already.

Follow us on Twitter @SFAllShookDown and @Raemondjjjj

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