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Tuesday, October 19, 2010

The Top 5 Creepiest Depictions of Exercise in a Music Video

Posted By on Tue, Oct 19, 2010 at 7:59 AM

First of all, let's just say "Go Giants!" We're so proud of our boys for making it to the play-offs, and are hoping and praying they can whoop Philly's ass and take us to the World Series. As usual though, all this gleeful anticipation got us thinking about music videos - sporty ones. Then we found a pile that weren't particularly kind to our eyeballs. Here then are the top five creepiest depictions of exercise in a music video. 

5. Against Me! "White People For Peace" 
If, like us, you were bullied relentlessly for being a music nerd in high school, football players are creepy enough when they're just doing their usual thing. Against Me! took those old phobias and kicked them up a notch with this video, in which the "players" (some of them vomiting blood) beat each other's faces in with massive guns. The skinny grey dude in the bathroom doesn't help either. Thanks, Gainesville punks, for giving us nightmares.

4. New Order "World In Motion" 

Soccer anthems are a big deal in the U.K., especially around World Cup time, but New Order really did themselves a disservice with a song that makes us yell "You used to be Joy Division! What the hell happened?!" every time we hear it. Our favorite bit is when soccer player John Barnes, is doing his horrendous "rap" in the middle, while Lily Allen's actor dad (no really, Keith Allen is a big deal in Britain) watches on and gestures wildly for reasons that escape us.

3. Kenny Loggins "Playing With The Boys" 
There's this gym on Valencia St. in the Mission District that has these huge windows so everyone can see you working out. We've always thought it takes a brave soul to exercise in front of drunk people going about their business, but the video for "Playing With The Boys" takes it to the next level. Imagine trying to play volleyball with a chirpy, be-mulleted, leather-jacketed Kenny Loggins watching you with his beady eyes and creepy uncle beard, and singing all the while. We would literally die:

2. Olivia Newton John "Physical" 
Here's Sandy from Grease with an innuendo-strewn song and a video exploiting fat people on exercise bikes and treadmills, and choking them on massage tables (presumably for being slobs or something). Do we really need to zoom in on vibrating buttocks? Or watch Newton John showering with a headband on? The answer we're looking for here is "No." (Props to Olivia, though, for her roundabout endorsement of gay love at the end.)

1. Eric Prydz "Call On Me" 
It's doubtful that we ever really need to see thong-up-the-butt action in music videos as it is, but this clip is basically the worst example we've ever seen of objectification of women in a music video. Ever. Like, worse-than-"The Thong Song"-bad. There are so many gratuitous spread-leg crotch shots, we feel like we accidentally stumbled across gross '80s porn in a late night channel-surfing expedition. If up-close-and-personal breast grabbing and butt-slapping is your thing, by all means, hit the Internet -- putting it in a video to this graphic a degree is just icky.

Follow us on Twitter @SFAllShookDown and @Raemondjjjj

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Rae Alexandra


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