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Monday, August 23, 2010

The Seven Worst Fictional TV and Movie Raps

Posted By on Mon, Aug 23, 2010 at 10:46 AM

For a period extending roughly from the mid-1980s and throughout the '90s, producers of TV and film for youth audiences decided that rap was way cool and that the way to inject a level of street cred into any project was to have some characters rap about something. Anything, really. Filmmakers are still doing this, but with their tongues firmly in cheek. (Think KG and the Power of 3! from Mean Girls.) The best thing about fake rap from this era was that it was supposed to be hip. And is was definitely, tragically, not. Here are the seven worst fictional TV and film raps.

7. Degrassi Junior High, Environmental Club PSA

Nothing could be more street than softly rapping in a Canadian accent about being nice to the environment. Listen up, people. They've got something to tell you "aboot."

6. Teen Witch, "Top That"

The worst thing about movies where people have magical powers is that they never use them to do anything awesome. (Practical Magic, we're looking at you.) This is a perfect example of using your powers for awesome: turning your shy nerdy friend into a white rapper to impress the white rapper she loves.

5. Beverly Hills 90210, David Silver dance rap

Thank God David Silver has come to Beverly Hills to stop kids from sitting back and relaxing while brothers kill each other.

4. Full House, Uncle Jesse's "Forever Genie"

This song is gonna hang in your brain ... how long? Forever. Ironic hipsters, do what you do best, and resurrect the Jess-Man.

3. Dinosaurs, Baby Sinclair's "Not the Momma"

Of the many things that were disturbing and wrong with the TGIF sitcom Dinosaurs, Baby Sinclair was probably the worst. His catchphrase was "Not the momma!" and the show saw fit to write an entire song around it. At 2:17, this already-horrifying Bunuel-ian abortion of a musical montage turns into a full-on rap, with Baby Sinclair sporting '90s hip-hop duds and driving a plastic car past a collage of graffiti. No, really.

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Andy Wright


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