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Thursday, October 8, 2009

Dingoes Ate My Baby? Top Five Fake TV Bands

Posted By on Thu, Oct 8, 2009 at 10:44 AM

The fake band is a staple of narrative television. You know the episode: the kids get together, write a bitchin' song, suddenly know how to play instruments, enter a contest they are sure to win, and then end up fighting when their egos grow to large. Inevitably, they fail, even though success seemed so sure. Everyone learns a lesson about being humble and kind, and the band is never spoken of again. It is completely forgotten that the cheerleader once knew how to wale on the drums. Or some variation thereof. Here are some of the best examples of this trope. And by best, we mean worst.

Full House, Jesse and the Rippers

Three adult men all decide to be roommates and raise one of the dude's kids together. Only in San Francisco! And of course, one of those dudes was the adorable Elvis-loving, motorcycle riding Uncle Jesse, who hung out with the Beach Boys and combed his hair a lot. And had a band. Said band was called Jesse and the Rippers. Jesse and the Rippers had a music video, which consisted of Uncle Jesse rolling around in a bed with his shirt off, standing behind a window with his shirt off, and creepy shots of the character's twin babies blinking into the camera. Watching this as an adult I realize that this is basically Mom Porn. Your kids love the TGIF lineup and you haven't watched the news in six years? Here you go, Mom. Here is John Stamos, shirtless.

My So-Called Life, Frozen Embyos

The intense and pathetic nature of Angela Chase's lust for the idiotic and insensitive (but really hot) Jordan Catalano was one of the most relate-able things about teen drama My So-Called Life. Jordan was in a band called Frozen Embryos with the legendary Tino, who never appeared on screen but always knew where the party was. In a memorable scene, Angela gets invited to band practice, where Jordan warbles out a treacly balled about someone named "Red" who cheers up his otherwise dreary existence. (It's hard to be really hot and really illiterate.) Angela thinks it's about her. It's not. It's about Jordan's car. Because horny teenage boys are really into singing love songs about their cars.


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Andy Wright


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