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Thursday, August 6, 2009

10 Things To Do While Twitter Is Down: A Twitpocalypse Handbook

Posted By on Thu, Aug 6, 2009 at 10:52 AM

Image Source: Aidan Hughes

Twitter went down this morning and the world stopped. Apparently, the micro blogging site fell victim to a Denial of Service (DoS) attack possibly related to the DefCon Hackers Convention. Whatever the reason, not being able to tweet about our Splinter Cell cosplay dream was just horrible and we are not ashamed to say we began looting immediately. And hoarding. We have been reassured by our therapist* this is a perfectly normal reaction to such a traumatic event.

If Twitter ever goes down again (DEAR GOD NO), we would all benefit from a little Twitpocalypse Disaster Preparedness - if only to keep the looting and hoarding and burying of bodies in the backyard (oh like you people haven't done something out of the ordinary during a crisis) to a bare minimum. Therefore, we have compiled a list of stuff to do while you wait for the long national nightmare of Twitterless-ness to be over.

1. Panic. Get it out your system. Indulge yourself in a solid five minutes of shirt-rending, hair-tugging, sobbing, and shaking of fists at the sky.

2. Read a book. HA! Kidding. We don't even know what a book is - is it like Facebook? If so, read that. Unless it's down too, in which case see number one.

3. Google "twitter is down" and comfort yourself in the knowledge that others are suffering the same plight. Clutch Mashable close to your bosom and whisper softly into it's ear, "Don't leave me, I feel so cold, so very cold."

4. Watch TV. It's cold comfort, we know, but perhaps the antics of

Kathie Lee and Hoda on the Today Show might create a vortex of hate so

great it will magically restore Twitter service.

5. Peggle.

6. This. Seriously, we could watch that for hours.


Call your friends. On the phone. Not your Twitter friends, but your

real friends. The ones who would lend you money or help you move. Those


8. Obsessively refresh your Twitter page. You're going

to do this anyway, so we might as well include it in the list. You

can't argue with the weather, as Robert Heinlein was fond of saying.

9. Drink. Hey, it's 10 a.m. somewhere, amirite?


Porn. It's always been there for you, hasn't it? Porn never lets you

down - not like that bastard of a social thing Twitter. But OMG, if

Porn is ever the victim of a vicious DoS attack we are all screwed.

Metaphorically. See what we did there?

*guy in a van on 26th and Mission. 

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Kiala Kazebee


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