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Monday, August 13, 2007

Nude Muppets Eye-Rape Childhood in SF

Posted By on Mon, Aug 13, 2007 at 6:29 AM

aveqv06_thumb.jpg

So ASD finally saw Team America: World Police last night, which makes us pretty much the last South Park fans in America to have seen the scat-play, golden shower and piledriver puppet sex scenes in the film. Yee gods. On a similar tip, ASD's theatre critic Chloe Veltman sat through the Tony Award-winning naughty puppet musical Avenue Q and brings us back this blow by blow, letter by letter. Like a car accident, we're tempted to stop by this show while it tours through SF. -d2

THE A-THRU-Z OF AVENUE Q

The Muppet-inspired Broadway musical, Avenue Q, has opened in San Francisco. The producers suggest that patrons leave their kids at home for Avenue Q is R-rated stuff. But should your little ones ask what you thought of the show the next morning over breakfast, here's what you can tell them:

A is for Annoying puppets

B is for Better experienced high

C is for Cookie Monster reincarnated as a porn king

D is for Daring to make kindergartners cry

E is for Entertainment that's fashionably off-beat

F is for Forget Fozzie Bear

G is for Gary Coleman eat your heart out

H is for Hair, fur and more hair

I is for Imagine a world in which marionettes and humans co-habit

J is for Jim Henson avert your eyes

K is for Kill those squeaky, fluffy bastards

L is for Laughing, schadenfreudlike, as you listen to their demented little cries

M is for Monsters are great in bed

N is for Necking on a hot puppet date

O is for Opening up the closet

P is for Pretending to be straight

Q is for Q the Avenue

R is for Raunchy, pseudo-risque humor

S is for Sticking your arm up a puppet's behind

T is for Tickling the tumor

U is for Unilateral disarmament

V is for Vogueishly abstract

W is for Wanting my money back

X is for eXit swiftly out back

Y is for Yapping a song like a pneumatic poodle

Z is for Zoo-full of critters

I think it's time to conclude this short rhyme

Cos those critters sure give me the jitters. -By Chloe Veltman

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David Downs

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