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Tuesday, June 26, 2007

HowTo: Get Your Girl Naked on Camera in Three Easy Steps

Posted By on Tue, Jun 26, 2007 at 8:01 AM

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One-time Jackass crew member, writer for Big Brother, Bizarre, and now Vice Books’ debut author Chris Nieratko just dropped us a copy of his hilarious and touching, 278-page book of porn reviews entitled Skinema. Pills, pornstars and jackassery aside, Skinema ends up endorsing the redeeming power of love … with a little butt sex thrown in for fun. The New Jersey native comes to SF July 20, so we did a long interview with the husband and proud owner of two skate shops and we’ll be running it next week.

We present an excerpt from the interview entitled:

HowTo: Get Your Girl Naked on Camera in Three Easy Steps

By Chris Nieratko

(Hopefully the first in a long, derivative, ultimately meaningless series.)

Step 1: She’s the Boss

“First you show her that no one will ever see this again. Let her know that she holds onto the material for your viewing pleasure. When I was traveling the world doing skateboard journalism my wife was kind enough to make dirty movies and let me take them, which was good and bad, because all the kids wanted to go to the bars and get laid. All I wanted to do was go back to my hotel room, take the bullet out of the chamber and get some sleep.”

Step 2: Lubricate Socially

“Ahh, the healing power of alcohol. It washes away all our sins. I think it really does help. Someday it may help lure another woman into bed with me and Crissie. It’s a matter of opening my wife’s heart to it. A line of women are offering, they’ve said, “you’re wife’s gorgeous, how can I join?’ I say, ‘talk to my wife.’”

Step 3: Back That Ass Up

“Yeah, let her feel in control. Get her drunk and roll film. And you have to put a little note on rule one: make copies when she’s asleep.”

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Links:

Buy Skinema at Amazon.

Look at Nieratko’s web site, including his dirty pictures, funny writing and nasty drawings.

-David Downs

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Matt Stroud

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