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Will the Real iPhone Apps Please Stand Up? 

Wednesday, Jul 8 2009

With the recent release of the iPhone 3GS, a new wave of users is getting acquainted with Apple's popular mobile device. Those new iPhone owners must also choose from hundreds of applications, many of which border on the absurd. Take the quiz below and see whether you can tell the real apps from the fake ones we made up.

1. Mega Fart
"Make sweet fart sounds by tapping anywhere on the screen. Choose from different fart sounds in a flip view picker including Wet, Anxious, Ripper, Coughing, and more!"

2. Ow, My Balls!
"Ow, My Balls! is a comedy game that brings top-shelf kicked-in-the-crotch humor to the iPhone."

3. Booze Breathalyzer
"Find out how drunk you are by breathing into the headphone jack. Note: If you think this works, you're fucking wasted. Take a cab home."

4. Baby Bump
"Why spend $20 at a drugstore when you can use your iPhone to find out if you're expecting? Just dip a Q-Tip in your urine and wipe on the iPhone screen. If the screen turns blue, you're going to be a mommy!"

5. Pee Monkey Toilet Trainer
"Your task sounds easy: Help Pee Monkey pee into the toilet. But there are some complications: Due to some medical mystery, Pee Monkey can't stop peeing [and] he's sliding back and forth on a bar of soap at neck-breaking speeds!"

6. More Toast!
"If you download only one virtual toaster for this iPhone, this should be it! With toaster sound effects, adjustable settings from light to dark, one- or two-slice capacity, and a choice of toast."

7. White Out
"Upload any photo of people, and this app retools it to make them look like albinos."

8. Herb Converter
"Lets you effortlessly convert between units commonly used for weighing alternative herbal remedies such as ... marijuana (only where legal with a physician's note). Easily convert between units such as gram, eighth, quarter, and half ounce."

9. iPoop
"Have you ever considered what your poop might be telling you? iPoop is an educational tool that helps you consider your diet and health from the perspective of what you leave behind in the bowl."

10. Gaydar
"Not sure whether that hot guy is flirting with you or just being nice? Avoid embarrassing misunderstandings with Gaydar. This app uses voice-recognition software to determine if he's gay or not."

11. Lightsaber Unleashed
"As you swing your phone, a range of Lightsaber sound effects will be emitted by your phone's speaker. Not only that, but you can also draw and withdraw your Lightsaber."

12. Tweaker Time
"Find nearby stores where you can buy all the over-the-counter ingredients needed to make meth."

13. iVibrateMe
"Now you can have a stimulating vibrator massage with iVibrateMe's complete control of the iPhone's built-in vibrator mode. iVibrateMe is great for your 'special' private areas."

14. The Perfect Comeback
"At a loss for words after being dissed? The Perfect Comeback solves this dilemma with a database of snappy retorts for classic put-downs such as the Small Penis insult, the Big Butt insult, and being poor and/or smelly. This app also includes a long list of Yo Mama jokes to have at your disposal."

15. Steroid Stats
"Wanna know how many homers Barry Bonds would have hit if he never used performance-enhancing drugs? Conversely, find out how many long balls Babe Ruth or Roger Maris would have hit if they were BALCO clients."

1. Real. 2. Real. 3. There is a real Breathalyzer app, but this is a fake write-up. 4. Fake. 5. Real. 6. Real. 7. Fake. 8. Real. 9. Real. 10. Fake. 11. Real. 12. Fake. 13. Real. 14. Fake. 15. Fake.

About The Author

Will Harper


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