The ride-share company Uber has announced it will be moving its headquarters to Mission Bay. What are some of the key features of the tech company's new corporate headquarters?
• Cafeteria prices will surge during peak hours
• Many of the workers who build it will be neither insured nor qualified
• It won't comply with city building codes, because they're not innovative enough
• Mission Bay residents will get to rate their experience of the building
• No parking
• The entire building will be transparent, so everyone can see just how badly they're being screwed
• It will start out being cool and convenient, then slowly transform into a symbol of everything you hate about the tech economy
• It isn't really the "company's headquarters" — Uber is merely providing the underlying corporate infrastructure and incentives whereby others may, if they wish, construct a headquarters using Uber's corporate platform, meaning that Uber is in no way responsible for any liability associated with the building, or from following labor laws
• By the time construction is finished, there will be no real jobs left.
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