October 15, 2007
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Toilet Paper mummy, meet Shitty Drag Queen. Now, we never want to see your stupid fucking faces ever again.
By Paul Quitoriano
"TP Mummy": Two rolls of toilet paper, one roll of tape, and one piece of shit costume. Flush quickly.
By Paul Quitoriano
The "Too-Small" Corner Store Outfit: Nothing says "last minute" like an ill-fitting kids costume.
By Paul Quitoriano
The 'Hobo": Dirty clothes and alcoholism may make for a good father, but not good costumes.
By Paul Quitoriano
The Dollar-Store "Vampire": The only thing that's sucking this year is your costume.
By Paul Quitoriano
The Dollar-Store "Vampire" II: Just take the teeth out and go as "unoriginal and overworked."
By Paul Quitoriano
The Ubiquitous "Devil" Horns: You think you can roll with Satan in that shit? N***a, please.
By Paul Quitoriano
The Ubiquitous "Devil" Horns II: You're going for "Hellboy", but it comes off as "Fanboy."
By Paul Quitoriano
"Boa": Look I'm wearing a boa today! ... Unless it's a constrictor, it's not a costume.
By Paul Quitoriano
The "Fugly Drag Queen": If you're going to fag it up, don't fag out. Get help from the pros.
By Paul Quitoriano
"Princess": You're going to need more than a tiara to be a princess, honey -- try an Egyptian boyfriend, some speeding paparazzi and a piece of freeway embedded in your face.
By Paul Quitoriano
"Princess" sans tiara: Where is your fucking tiara? Oh, that's right, you left it with your pride.
By Paul Quitoriano
The Old Superman "S" Costume: Where "S" stands for "Shitty."
By Paul Quitoriano
"Mustache" Man: Throwing shit on your face is for German sex clubs. This is Halloween, man. Try harder.
By Paul Quitoriano
The "Karate Kid": So, you took a few judo courses. ... How about you dodge this throat punch.
By Paul Quitoriano
"Private Douche": Just because you can't throw out your dead brother's uniform doesn't mean its counts as a costume when you wear it October 31.
By Paul Quitoriano
"Zombie Girl": Oh, I get it. You put some makeup on your face and now you're a "zombie." What do you call every other day of the week?
By Paul Quitoriano
"The Graduate": Nice recycled commencement robe. Where is the Virginia Tech killer when we need him?
The Top 15 Lame Last-Minute Halloween Costumes: By David Downs and SF Weekly; Photos by Paul Quitoriano; Modeling by Alex Welsh and Samantha Pena
Christopher Victorio78 images
7/18
By Paul Quitoriano
The Ubiquitous "Devil" Horns II: You're going for "Hellboy", but it comes off as "Fanboy."
