When you order a sandwich in most restaurants, what you receive is a 1.5-foot-high stack of hard, chewy bread and assorted runny, messy, and sloppy fillings. It is impossible to pick up in an elegant way, and even more impossible to put your mouth around and bite into. While at lunch today with my co-workers, we had a long discussion about this problem. I feel that using a knife and fork on a sandwich makes you look too fussy. Is there another way?
Sincerely,
Julia
Dear Julia,
I sympathize with your dismay: The humbly noble sandwich has, in many restaurants, mutated into an inedible colossus. Indeed, the hugely messy hamburger seems to be a point of pride for some establishments, if television advertising is to be believed. This further evidence of the increasingly gluttonous tendencies of our culture is certainly disheartening to people with heightened sensitivities (of which I am one). I'll admit I vastly prefer that someone be "too fussy" rather than "too sloppy," and I have been known to take knife and fork to this kind of sandwich, especially if I'm at a nicer restaurant. That said, it is not impolite to try, before eating your sandwich, gently pressing it down with your hand to a more edible size. If none of the above options suits you, well, you could order a nice pasta salad for lunch.
Dear Social Grace,
There has been some confusion in our home about the proper placement of utensils when one has finished a meal, and whether the fork's prongs should point up or down. Please advise.
Melissa Spain
Dear Ms. Spain,
The best place for your fork and knife when you have finished eating is next to each other on your dinner plate, at the right or upper right side. Your knife's blade should point inward (a knife's blade should never point at a neighboring diner -- in times past, such an act could be seen as a symbolic threat). Here in the United States, it's common for a fork's tines to be pointed up, but a more widely recognized symbol for "I'm finished eating" is a fork with its tines pointed down. Either is correct in this country, where food servers at almost all restaurants will ask before removing a plate, instead of relying on a diner's utensil signals.
When you've put down your utensils only momentarily -- when you pause to take a drink or to leave the table, for example -- rest your knife and fork on either side of your plate (tines pointed down), both pieces pointed slightly inward. (Once you begin eating, your utensils should not touch the table again.) If you eat in the "American" fashion (transferring your fork to your right hand when you take a bite), it is also correct to rest your fork in the "I'm finished eating" position, tines up.
Dear Social Grace,
My son is going to be attending his junior prom this year, and they are having a "semiformal" dance. Am I correct in thinking that this involves a sport coat and a tie? My son seems to think that a nice sweater with jeans is OK. Also, are corsages still mandatory? If so, is it appropriate to ask the girl what color her dress is going to be, or is that rude? When I was in high school, I was too "cool" to go to my prom, and now I regret it!
Via the Internet
Dear Cool Madam or Sir,
Traditionally, "semiformal" means, for men, a dinner jacket or sport coat, along with a tie and trousers. A nice sweater with a tie underneath would be fine for a young person at a semiformal event -- but I'm sure that "young" is hardly the look your son will be going for at this milestone occasion. As saddened as I am by the idea of a world where denim could be considered "semiformal," you should probably check with your son's school -- they might have temporarily redefined "semiformal" for the purposes of this dance.
Although it isn't exactly mandatory, a corsage is probably expected, and it's a nice touch that I wholeheartedly recommend (it needn't be extravagant). My dear sister, Amazing, who has had some experience with corsages, would like to add that a wrist corsage is much preferable, as it is less likely to damage a dress' fabric. Asking a young lady for help in coordinating a corsage with her outfit is not at all impolite; she'll likely appreciate such efforts. If you and your son are in doubt, though, white flowers go with just about everything.
