But if you can't beat 'em, join 'em, right?
For this column I'll be revisiting a tradition I began last year. I receive hundreds of CDs every week, many from local bands struggling to get the smallest bit of ink. Obviously I can't write about them all. But since it's that time of year again, in the spirit of mirth and merriment, I'm giving it the old college try -- in the form of song. Last year it was "'Twas the Night Before Christmas" (OK, that's technically a poem; whatever). This year I've chosen two: "Blue Christmas," the most memorable version of which was performed by Elvis "Peanut Butter on My Piano" Presley; and "The Christmas Song," with lyrics by Mel Torme. For maximum enjoyment, I recommend you throw back a roast beef sandwich and six ludes and imagine Elvis singing the following:
"Blue Christmas (Without These Local Bands)"
I'll have a blue Christmas without the electro-goth quirk-pop of Secret Synthi,
I'll be so blue thinking about Matt Nathanson's major-label deal with Universal, which, as far as I can tell, hasn't earned the rootsy singer/songwriter the hot A/C radio airplay he seems suited for
Decorations of the Red Thread on a Finless Brown Christmas tree
Won't be the same, Rob Hotchkiss, if you don't play your really shitty, post-Train, I-don't-care-if-you-co-wrote-"Meet Virginia" wimp-rock for me
And when those blue snowflakes start fallin' (and then, like, totally start melting when they land on Mozaic's edgy industrial electronica)
That's when those blue memories start callin' (memories of Those Darn Accordions, of course)
You'll be doin' all right, with your Christmas of white, and performances by the Famous, Bermuda Triangle Service, Chris Parro ...
But I'll have a blue, blue Christmas
Now wasn't that fun? Let's try another:
"The Christmas Song"
Boyskouts roasting on an open fire
Garrin Benfield nipping at your taste for mellow coffee-table rock,
Yuletide indie opuses being sung by Fiver
And folks dressed up like Thin Acid Angel
Everybody knows the Urinals' dirty punk and some moody, Brian Wilson-inspired pop by Papercuts
Help to make the season bright
The Earl Brothers (spittin' images of the Soggy Bottom Boys) with their eyes all aglow
Will find it hard to sleep tonight, although not if they've "Been Sittin' Here Drinkin'," as one of their song titles indicates
They know that MC Ridic's on his way, straight outta Oakland -- west siiiidddee!
He's loaded (is he ever) lots of toys and goodies (including Matt Baulk CDs!) on his pimped ride
And ev'ry mother's child is gonna spy
To see if the Grannies really know how to fly
And so, I'm offering this simple phrase
To bands from the Advantage to XBXRX
Altho' it's been said many times, many ways,
"Let's all go out and get drunk together!"
