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January 02, 2008 Slideshows » News

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The DEWmocracy Campaign's 10 Most Moronic Elements 

10. The Campaign's Name Even Americans who aren't Toby Keith fans have heard their fair share about the importance of spreading democracy. So basically it's pointless to even try to question Dewmocracy. Either you're with DewMocracy or you're against it and will be deemed a freedom hater. This page from the US government's propaganda playbook gives the new soda a distinct flavor of jingoism and paranoia. Yummy.
9. The Posturing of Participants as Christ-like Figures But they speak in low whispers that one will come, a gifted child. Legend speaks of him finding a magic gourd that he will fill with an elixir to restore the soul of mankind. This prophesying comes from the short film's scripture-feigning voice over, which is really saying, You can be the Son of God, if you vote for the follow up to Code Red.
8. The DewMocracy Game Remember The Legend of Zelda? It was an 8-bit Nintendo game allowing you to run a little fat guy through mazes. Think of the DewMocracy game as a sort of bastard child of Zeldaand Pong. It tasks users to complete mind-numbing minor tasks in order to work their way through a fire, river, jungle, ocean and desert chamber, before arriving at a Crystal Palace. The biggest challenge is not so much navigating the game, but ignoring the feeling that you could be better spending your time playing Connect Four.
7. The All-Too-Familiar Exploitation of Skateboarding In the classic Simpsons' episode The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show, a network exec is telling a writing team that they need to infuse a new character with attitude. He wants the character to surf, wear sunglasses and be rasta-fied by ten percent or so. No doubt the makers of DewMocracy used the same sort of contrived calculation when they made the protagonist (aka Dew Jesus) a skateboarder. You can almost see a suit addressing the boardroom, How do we up the hip? A response from the back, What if we make him a skateboarder?
6. The Forest Whitaker Connection Has there ever been a more perplexing follow-up to winning the Best Actor Oscar, than schilling for the white-trash beverage of choice? Okay, okay, we cant fault Whitaker for taking an easy paycheck for narrating the short film, but its not that simple. Unfortunately, it has been reported that he was also instrumental in developing this science-fiction infused campaign. His prior experience with the genre: Battlefield Earth. `Nuff said.
5. The Anti-Corporate Sloganeering Last time we checked PepsiCo, the maker of Mountain Dew, was one of the worlds largest manufacturers with product sales of over $92 billion annually. They own five billion-dollar generating brands, including Frito-Lay, Quaker and Gatorade. But strangely, the DewMocracy film ominously describes a time when, The great war swept across all the landsThe corporate lords claimed the world. Sorry Pepsi, but your CEO has claimed the world and your little ad here is like Britney Spears doing a cover of Teach Your Children.
4. The White-Tuxedoed Indian This is utterly senseless. When Dew Jesus evades the totalitarian authorities in the short film, he arrives at a sparkling elevator. For whatever reason, the films creators decided to have the lift operated by a white-tuxedo-clad Indian. Played by actor Marcos Akiaten, the Indian tells Dew Jesus, Youre the chosen one, before taking him to the promise land of soda design. Disclaimer: simply rereading this description will make you dumber.
3. The Myopic Pursuit of the Gaming Demographic The singular focus on attracting gamers has become an almost creepy obsession for Mountain Dew. In August, they released a product called Halo 3 Mountain Dew: Gamers Fuel to coincide with the release of the newest installment of the Halo series. Now, theres DewMocracy. If Pepsi continues down this path, they may begin to alienate the demographic that has traditionally been the most fervent supporters of the Dew: obese rednecks ambivalent to tooth loss.
2. The Idea That Participation is a Creative Activity At one point in the short film, the process of developing the next Mountain Dew is illustrated by having the protagonist shown painting, which happens to be a rebellious activity in this world where creativity and self-expression were outlawed. In reality, there's nothing about DewMocracy that fits even the loosest definition of creative expression. Participants choose from three optionsVoltage, Revolution and Supernovathat all have a ginseng boost and artificial berry flavoring. By this rationale, if you can order dinner at a restaurant, you're Rembrandt.
1. The Momentous Tone DewMocracys sheer crassness may attract gawkers (we were suckers) and sell some soda, but other than that its not nearly as groundbreaking as it purports itself to be. The bottom line is that participation requires an invasive sign-up requiring an address, email, what soda you drink, how many 8 oz servings of soft drink you consume every week, etc., to more effectively market their product. This isn't revolution or a creative pursuit or anything we havent seen before. Its just more contrivance. And while that may not bother some people, it may make others decide to order a Coke.
For more lists, check out our slideshows page.
For more lists, check out our slideshows page.
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