Over the past two years, there has been a growing number of members-only clubs offering unique or exclusive experiences at bars and restaurants around San Francisco, all for a price. This is the new-school way of doing things, like a type of food prostitution where people can pay for an instant VIP experience without having to network, build relationships, or become a regular at a spot — aka the messy, old school way. Secret menus and off-the-menu items are old school. They're typically available to friends, regulars, or anyone who knows to ask for them; it's the knowledge that's the password, not the money.
If you've spent lots of time in various bars around the country, or even watched an episode of Bar Rescue, you'll know that a bad bartender with time to kill is not a positive thing. But what about when one of the best bartenders in San Francisco has time to kill? Magic, in the form of a secret cocktail menu, one that I only discovered through a cryptic Facebook photo.
The bar at The Coachman, being in a restaurant, can experience lulls between busy dinner service pushes. This is when the restaurant's bar manager, John Codd, and his bar team get creative; it's when crazy ideas turn to reality. For instance, during Negroni Week, a blender in the kitchen inspired a blended Negroni. This is the direction the San Francisco cocktail scene is moving towards, albeit at a glacial pace — from the pretentious to the playful. It's as if bartenders have spent years proving they can follow the rules, and now it's time to break them while still making a good drink.
The Coachman's secret "Something" cocktail menu is only available at the bar upon request. I would say you should be discreet in requesting a copy of the enveloped menu to prevent the uninitiated next to you from finding out about it, but once the drinks start being made, they will catch on fast. On my visit a few weeks ago, the menu offered the following six vague choices: Something in an Ice Sphere ($14), Something Awesome ($16), Something with Cheeky's ($12), Something Ridiculous ($16), Something Tiki ($16), and Something Smoked ($14). SETEC Astronomy, indeed.
Having sampled the menu's offerings, the most impressive were the Awesome, Cheeky, and Ridiculous cocktails.
"Something Awesome" is the bar's take on the NASCAR Spritz, which is typically a Miller High Life with a shot of Aperol poured into it. Instead of this mundane preparation, Codd pulls out some liquid nitrogen and combines Aperol and coconut cream in front of me to create a delicious, slightly bitter coconut ice cream on top of which is poured Miller High Life, creating a light beer float.
"Something with Cheeky's" ended up being a play on the "cheeky shot," a half-shot portion that is popular with many bartenders who aren't looking to get hammered quickly. For this, Codd served up three small "cocktails." The first was a Sazerac served in a shot glass made of bitters ice, the second was a layered Negroni Jell-O shot served inside an orange peel, and the third was a cheeky pour of barrel-aged housemade Fireball. You read that last one correctly. Codd created his own version of the popular Fireball cinnamon whiskey and then aged it in a barrel. If you are the type who needs to drink Fireball, I would suggest only drinking this version.
"Something Ridiculous" lived up to its name, an adult version of a childhood s'mores experience where one rotates through gulps of a chocolaty dark porter, bites of a marshmallow toasted over a flaming goblet, and a sip of a rum and toffee cocktail.
The remainder of the cocktails included an Old Fashioned in an ice sphere (Something in an Ice Sphere), a cocktail trio composed of a Mai Tai, Painkiller, and Pina Colada (Something Tiki), and whiskey that gets the smoking gun treatment before serving (Something Smoked).
According to Codd, each category has multiple variants which are being changed as ideas are developed or depending on the whim of the bartender creating the drink, so there is a chance to get a different cocktail from the same category on multiple visits. However, since advance preparation is needed for some cocktails, like the bitters ice shot glass, there are limited amounts available each night for certain drinks, so it's best to get there early to ensure maximum ordering options. And if anyone asks, tell them you heard about the menu through Wikileaks.
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