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List: How Can McDonald's Clean Up Its Haight Ashbury Store? 

Wednesday, May 20 2015
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City Attorney Dennis Herrera recently told the McDonald's on Haight and Stanyan streets that it is legally responsible for drug activity around the store. What strategies can McDonald's use to reduce it?

• Require every drug dealer to include a healthy option, like apple slices instead of ketamine.

• Stop making the hash browns out of real hash.

• Stop asking, "Do you want cocaine with that?"

• Bat signal.

• Studies suggest that if Happy Meals were 30 percent happier, no one would need drugs.

• Declare McDonald's a "Safe Space."

• Require all drug dealers be accompanied by a parent or legal guardian.

• Harness the power of social media: #RonaldDon'tDeal.

• Tell dealers the City Attorney strongly disapproves of their lifestyle choices.

• Continue the current "re-branding" effort: Soon no one will go to McDonald's.

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Benjamin Wachs

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