Spring onto the Couch: Your March TV Preview 

I bet you didn't know that possibly the trashiest reality show of all time is just a few weeks away, or that the dude who made Party Down and Veronica Mars is getting into the zombie game. Here are my picks for spring.

Breaking Borders (The Travel Channel, March 15)

Whoever decided that Top Chef's Voltaggio brothers had charisma must have a thing for stoic, heavily tattooed human geoducks. Nevertheless, the least interesting of the two, Michael, now has his own series on the Travel Channel in which he, get this, goes to "conflict zones" all over the world "to gather people from all sides of the conflict to break bread and explore the issues that divide them." Uhh, whut? I have to watch this because it sounds so ridiculous. I guess my "send Paula Deen to the West Bank" idea fell flat. Bonus: Voltaggio could face heavy mortar fire.

iZombie (CW, March 17)

Prepare to see this sentence a lot when reviewers talk about this show: "It's Buffy meets Veronica Mars meets The Medium meets The Walking Dead." Veronica Mars and Party Down creator Rob Thomas adapted the comic book series which features a young lady who is a zombie and has to eat brains to keep her own sanity. Writers also give her psychic skills, which really help when you work in a coroner's office that is trying to determine how people died — simply dip in the cranium, scoop out some sustenance, and wait for visions. Somehow the folks at CW have made a zombie look hot, natch. The show doesn't completely gel yet but has potential, so I for one will be DVRing it.

Walk Of Shame Shuttle (VH1, March 18)

Here's your guilty pleasure, your outlet for that crippling self-loathing — you can thank me later. VH1 jumped on entrepreneur Kellyann Wargo's brilliant idea to provide a morning-after shuttle service for wanton hussies who wanted to escape ridicule of shuffling home with their panties in their purse and instead ride in an SUV with a giant red WOSS embossed on the side. The show is Taxicab Confessionals for the recently STD'd, who share their stories from the backseat about the night before. Oh so trashy. Yessss.

Neighbors With Benefits (A&E, March 22)

And speaking of trashy, how about a reality TV show that highlights a town of swingers, where what's yours is mine and what's mine is yours, etc. and so forth. Meh, right? This has been covered before on television, most notably by Showtime's Polyamory. But what makes this one interesting is the fact the town it takes place in, Hamilton Township, Ohio, is so small that it don't even have no Walmart. According to Cincinnati.com, the townsfolk are not amused that A&E has descended into their hamlet and made the least sinful among them look like revelers at Sodom and Gomorrah. Sadly, none of the more chaste citizens are on the show, but it will be interesting to see where this goes.

Going Clear: Scientology and the Prison of Belief (HBO, March 29)

Not that it's some big surprise, but the Church of Scientology has already began debunking this thing and defaming its documentarian, Alex Gibney, which means this puppy is gonna be good. The church has been as impenetrable as North Korea, and I for one always jump at the chance for some dirt. Gibney focuses more on its celebrity skeleton, a scaffolding of loyal kooks like Travolta and Cruise who publicly kiss the church's ass and champion its evil mission, but, according to Gibney, aren't really respected much by its members. Wow, I finally have something in common with Scientologists.

The Man In The High Castle (Amazon, sometime this spring...?)

Every year, Amazon releases several pilots it is considering producing and then lets the viewers decide their favorites. Among the handful that have been greenlit, The Man In The High Castle looks the most compelling. It's based on a Philip K. Dick novel about what America would look like if the Nazis had won. Throw in Ridley Scott as executive producer and a gorgeous, compelling pilot and you've got yourself another show to be proud of, Amazon. Now if you could just do a better job at letting us know release dates. Harrumph.