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@sk Jamie Varon: What to do if you're unfollowed on Twitter 

Wednesday, Mar 3 2010
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Dear Jamie,

I've been following someone on Twitter for a while now. I thought we were friends, but then one day I went to send her a direct message and it said she wasn't following me anymore. I feel pretty stupid asking her what happened, and I keep hoping it's a Twitter glitch. What should I do?

Unfollowed Friday

Take a good, hard look at your Twitter stream, first and foremost. We need to determine whether you're a Twitter douchebag before we do anything else. Is your entire stream filled with retweets? This is pretty telling in terms of how big a Twitter douche you are. A bunch of retweets means you are either terribly lazy, have no thoughts of your own, or are a complete ass-kisser. Any of these three alone or in combination is grounds for an unfollow.

Do you retweet compliments people send you? Constantly broadcasting to your followers something like "Thanks! RT @someoneelse @jamievaron You're so pretty and funny. I wish I were you!" is damn douchey and self-aggrandizing, isn't it? Any more pats on the back and you're going to rub yourself raw there, buddy.

Do you tweet things like, "Today was wierd and the sun is seting now" or "my noodles got cod when i was i the shower"? First of all, you're boring, which explains why any people in their right minds unfollowed you. Second of all, you can't spell for shit, so become more literate and maybe they will stop unfollowing you. Easy fixes there.

Here's the thing: If you're fascinating, spell great, and don't suck up to anyone, then you're probably not a Twitter douche. In that case, the person who unfollowed you is a straight-up asshole. With terrible taste.

Clearly, you're awesome, and you and I should be friends, but that's not important right now. You need to confront the person who unfollowed you in a way that manages to retain your dignity.

E-mail her and ask if it was a Twitter glitch. Not only will it make her squirm a little, but she will also probably refollow you out of guilt. Then put your best material out there and make her sorry she ever unfollowed you in the first place. Strut your stuff (er, tweets), baby, because you're worth it.

Have a question about social-media etiquette? E-mail askjamievaron@gmail.com.

About The Author

Jamie Varon

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