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Savage Love 

Hey, Faggot: I'm a bi married white male, in his late 30s, who's lately become more than a little "curious." I work in downtown Minneapolis and often wonder about how I could find some alternative "lunchtime" activities. Problem is, since I'm not very experienced, I'm not sure where to go.

I can't help but think that some of the other "suits" I see on the street or even in the skyway are thinking the same thing I am. Any ideas on where I might go? Discretion is a must, so please, no adult bookstores!

Looking to Unload

Hey, LTU: In 1995, Keith Griffith, aka The Cruisemaster, launched a unique Web site,, a comprehensive guide to those magical places all over the world where men cruise other men for anonymous sex. Keith started the site as a hobby, but now 600,000 visitors check out every month, and keeping the site up is Keith's full-time job. "It's the most heavily trafficked gay Web site in the world," Keith told me.

Here's some of what I learned about Minneapolis at The second-floor bathrooms near the men's underwear department at Dayton's in the Nicollet Mall are worth a stop. The downtown Hyatt Regency's second-floor toilets are "hopping until 7 pm." If you're feeling old-school, the good ol' YMCA on South Ninth Street has a "very cruisy health club." And if you love to shop as much as you love to cruise, there's even action to be had at the Mall of America (Bloomingdale's third-floor bathrooms).

But before you run out to Dayton's on your lunch break, listen to what Keith had to say about cruising for public sex in Minneapolis: "There's a big crackdown going on there right now. If this man is worried about discretion, he should go to an adult bookstore instead of a bathroom or park. Some bookstores have parking lots in the rear and rear doors. While men have been busted in bookstores, that's not happening right now in Minneapolis. Men having sex in parks or public toilets are being arrested, however." What happens to men who get busted for doing it in public? "If they're willing to fight, most can get off. But in this man's case, he could lose his wife, and maybe custody of his children -- if he has any. In some states, an arrest for public consensual sex could result in your name being placed on a list of sex offenders and you may have to register with the police for the rest of your life."

Yikes! Keith's advice for cruisers in Minneapolis? "Get out of Minneapolis." A better place to cruise? "The best place right now is probably Chicago. The scene is really good, for all types of sex, and the police there have better things to do than bother people who aren't bothering anyone."

But don't people who cruise toilets and parks for sex bother, say, people who just wanna take a crap or play some frisbee? "Sometimes it happens, but it shouldn't. When cruising places are busted, it's typically because men who are ignorant of the etiquette -- yes, there are rules of etiquette even if you're having sex in a public toilet -- do something stupid. Then there are complaints, and then there are cops." What's the etiquette? "The most important thing is common courtesy. You have to respect the fact that different people use different spaces for different reasons. You have to try not to infringe on their right to enjoy a shared space, a space that might be sexual at some times for some people and not at all sexual for other people at other times." In other words, only waggle your dick at a guy you're damn sure wants to see your dick awagglin'. "Another good rule is to go with your instincts. No dick is worth getting arrested for. If you think that beautiful man in the corner might be an undercover cop or a basher, trust your gut instinct and get out of there."

Why does Keith think the police give cruisers such a hard time? "I'm not sure. I do know that no one is getting hurt when two guys have sex in a park, so why should the people of Minneapolis pay one cent to regulate that behavior? Public sex is a normal part of life. There are tens of thousands of places listed on my Web site, places all over the world. Everywhere you go on the planet, you'll find men having public sex. It's healthy and it's normal."

No one gets hurt? It's healthy? What about STDs? "The majority of HIV transmissions, to take one example, happen in bedrooms, and it's usually people who know each other. If all you need to point to in order to disallow certain kinds of sexual expression is the transmission of a disease, well, what kind of sex would be allowed then? People in 'monogamous' relationships have given each other diseases. Should the police bust men in monogamous relationships?"

Finally, Keith wanted to take issue with you, LTU, on the little matter of the little woman: "This man has obligations to his wife. While it is true that a lot of the men having sex in these places are married and their wives don't know what they're up to, I happen to think people should honor their commitments. If he needs to renegotiate his agreement with his wife, he should do that before he goes out cruising. Lying isn't good, and it isn't something you should do to someone you love. This isn't something people would expect to hear from my mouth, I guess, but it's how I feel."

Hey, Faggot: I wanted to write a response to "Curious," who wanted to know whether men have to ejaculate when they orgasm [Nov. 11]: NO, THEY DON'T! My husband Jeff is proof of that! There are many techniques he uses to keep from ejaculating. In four years, he's come maybe five times! Jeff has at least five orgasms and sometimes more, he just doesn't ejaculate. For more info Curious should read The Multi Orgasmic Man by Mantak Chai and Doug Arava.


Hey, NBH: I don't know about Jeff, but I like ejaculating. Guy's who don't are welcome to pick up Mantak and Doug's book, but I predict there won't be a long line outside Barnes and Noble tomorrow morning.

Hey, Everybody: If you want FREE passes to see Crocodile Tears, an independent film in which I have a small but very important role (you'll even get a quick look at my big white butt), submit your free SF Weekly Wild Side personal ad by e-mail ( and tell 'em you wanna see my butt! (Check out this week's film section for more details.) Oh, and don't forget to buy my dumb-ass book with the money you'll save on your movie tickets, you cheap bastards.


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