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Savage Love 

Hey, Everybody: Still on vacation. Here is the second in the "Clit Notes" series ....

Hey, Faggot: Loved the "Clit Notes" column. I have a few suggestions for women "coming out" into better sex now that their boyfriends have read your column:

1) It's not dirty to touch yourself. In fact, men worth knowing grow increasingly hard when a woman places her hand on herself. Why do you think there's so much female masturbation in straight porn?

2) As Dan notes, God played a mean trick and positioned our clits outside and not inside where it could have received stimulation from the thrusting. So while your BF is thrusting, take your fingers and push your clit down against his shaft. His in-and-out will be your pleasure too!

3) Ask your BF to enter you high -- that is, position himself so his crotch is high up on yours. When he enters, he'll go deep and perhaps catch your clit in the angle formed between his dick and torso. You'll get all the pressure you need -- and presto: Intercourse might work to make your climax happen.

4) Get on top. Intercourse in this position nearly always produces a climax. Go slow and steady, and remember to squeeze your Kegel muscles, which feels good to him but also makes your clit "erect" and firm, adding to its stimulation.

The greatest thing, Dan, about your recent column is now that you've explained so wonderfully how all men can be great clit lovers, they all will be, and we women will stop falling so hard for the very few guys out there who can give us orgasms. With more men capable of giving us O's, we'll be free to look for a few other qualities important to a caring relationship and friendship. Thanks!


Hey, R: You're welcome, girlfriend. I heartily endorse all your suggestions, though I have heard that No. 3 can lead to urinary tract infections in some women, so proceed with caution. I'd like to add one more to the list: Never, under any circumstances, ladies, fake an orgasm. If not for your own sake, then for the sake of all the women who'll come (or not come) after you. The boyfriend or husband you humor with a fake O today may be some other woman's boyfriend or husband tomorrow. He's not yours indefinitely. When he lands in between another woman's legs, make sure you've done your part for sisterhood by not giving him a false impression of his own meager skills, or false expectations about women's sexual response.

Hey, Faggot: I'm a 32-year-old breeder in loooove! My hunbun and I have been together for 2.5 years, and six months ago, we bought a cute house together. My question is, how can I be in love with this man and not be able to have an orgasm without my own hand masturbating my clitoris? Though we can both have the most outright fantastic orgasms, I want to experience ecstasy without sticking my fingers between our slapping bodies and giving my clit a whirl. It's not that he doesn't know how to be sensual either, but I'm wondering if I need more foreplay, or what. I'm looking for information, advice, etc., on how to be more aware and in tune sexually.

Lady in Love

Hey, LIL: You know, I'm often criticized for being too hard on straight boys in my column. One case in point might be the comment I made to the boy who wrote in asking why his current GF couldn't climax from intercourse alone. I slammed him for not having "bothered to educate [himself] about women's bodies and women's orgasms" before he started fucking women.

Well, just to prove that I'm an equal opportunity grouch: How did you get to be a 32-year-old homeowner without bothering to educate yourself about YOUR OWN body and YOUR OWN orgasms? In your favor, at least you're having them. To your lasting shame, you don't seem to know why or how. You need the extra clit-a-whirl for the same reason seven out of 10 other women do: in order to climax. Duh.

Hey, Faggot: I am a healthy 19-year-old female and I have been with my present boyfriend for about six months. I lost my virginity to him three months ago, and have remained sexually active since. The problem? My dear, sweet, beautiful boy has no clue that I have yet to experience an orgasm with him.

I have been masturbating since early adolescence and can make myself come within minutes. I have fallen into the "faking" rut -- I know that this is cruel, but he would be crushed if he knew the truth. It's not like I don't get any pleasure from the deed. Lately, though, after he orgasms, I have no desire to continue. I figure this is due to my not wanting to continue the acting bit any further. We have sex frequently, and have tried various positions, but still no climax for me. Am I wrong to assume I will never come from intercourse? Is it possible to have "trained" myself into only climaxing during masturbation?


Hey, T: What is it our Sunday school teachers told us about lying? Not only is it a venial sin, but one lie leads to another, and another, and another. Those faked orgasms are lies you're telling the BF, and each lie necessitates the telling of yet another lie, since if what he's doing tonight made you come this morning, and the night before that, and the afternoon before that (oh, to be 19 again), then he's expecting it to make you come tonight. You, aware of his expectations -- expectations you created -- feel compelled to oblige him with yet another command-performance climax. And on you go, digging yourself in deeper and deeper. To make matters worse, the lie you're telling, ostensibly to spare his feelings, is resulting in orgasmless sex for you, with a subsequent drop-off in desire on your part, making your sex life a guilt-ridden, tedious chore! STOP THE INSANITY!!! Either tell him you've been faking, or tell him another, lesser, lie: Suddenly go all non-orgasmic. Whatever he's been doing that you've been pretending makes you come suddenly doesn't make you come anymore. Tell him it's hormonal (guys fall for that), and don't fake any more orgasms. Make him earn your orgasms!

Being a regular reader, you doubtless saw my recent column about how most women require additional stimulation to achieve orgasm during intercourse, so now you know there's nothing wrong with you. Since you can come when you masturbate, there's no reason you shouldn't be able to come with your boyfriend. Go forth, my child, and fake no more!

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