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Savage Love 

Hey, Faggot: My entire life I have felt self-conscious over the size of my dick. I'm 5-foot-8, 150, and my erect dick is, well, I'd rather not say. Flaccid you can hardly see it. I've tried everything, but will not consider surgery. If it matters, I'm gay and 24. Interesting: I can write that I'm gay but find it difficult to say my cock measures 3 3/4 inches hard.

At first I thought I couldn't be gay because my dick does not measure up to porno magazines or videos. I don't need a shrink but was wondering if you knew of any support organizations that cater to small men. I have so much love to give but hold back because I fear rejection. The whole world looks bigger than me. Am I the only one like this?

Please help me. I cannot discuss this with friends and feel so alone. I'm fairly nice looking and often get offers. My fear of rejection or ridicule forces me to turn down many hot-looking dudes. This must be a tough question and might seem trivial, but believe me, it has affected all avenues of my life.

Hey, Steve: If you were the "only one in the world" with your problem, upward of 3,000 American men wouldn't have gone in for penis enlargement surgery in the last few years. You say you've tried "everything" else -- which leaves me wondering what exactly you've tried: 10-pound weights? cock-enhancing crystals? what? -- and that surgery is the only option you wouldn't consider.

But why not surgery? If you're seriously miserable, why not invest some serious money in pumping the little feller up? There's been a spate of articles in the smelly press (Vanity Fair, Esquire, Vogue) about penis enlargement. According to these articles, most men going in for penis enlargement are of "average" length and are "extremely body conscious and narcissistic," and may "need psychological help, not surgery."

But your case is different: You have, forgive me and brace yourself, what is technically termed a "microphallus" (ouch!). It was specifically for guys like you that the original penis enlargement pioneer -- a Chinese physician named Dr. Long (I am not making this up) -- began experimenting with snipping what's known as the suspensory ligament, the ligament that not only holds the penis up (attaches it to the pubic bone, actually), but also holds about 2 inches worth of penile "root" inside the body. Snip this ligament, and the penis "drops" -- 1 to 2 inches emerge from inside the body to join their lonely brethren outside the body.

Thickening "techniques" -- limited to the rather barbaric shooting of fat extracted from the butt or abdomen into the shaft -- are more problematic and controversial. Fat often is reabsorbed by the body, "lumps up," or hardens into cysts, and repeated "attempts" may be necessary before a thickening "takes." Eesh.

The ligament snip is not without potential problems either. Without being attached to the suspensory ligament, the angle of your erect penis may not be what it was: It may point straight forward, or even down. The snip seems, in my reading of the scant literature on the procedure, analogous to dislocating your arm: Pull your arm out of its socket and it's longer, but your new, longer arm may not work as well as it did before.

As for support groups, I couldn't find one for you. Which doesn't mean they don't exist -- you can't swing a dead cat in this country without hitting a support group for survivors of swung dead cat abuse. Maybe someone reading this knows of a support group for short-dicked men and will write in. Failing that, for the cost of a small ad in the classified section of a weekly newspaper you could start a support group of your own.

Now about those offers you're getting: Go for it. Will some of these guys reject you? Sure they will. But guys get rejected for all sorts of reasons: His stomach isn't flat enough, he's bald, he's too skinny, he's too old, he's too young, his dick is too small, his dick is too big, he murdered his ex-wife and a waiter who happened by. Rejection is part of dating, and everybody suffers -- some more than others, some less. Come to grips with it.

There are guys who place a lot of importance on size, and guys who could care less. And, believe it or not, there are guys who dig small dicks: Every once in a while there's an ad in the personals from a guy looking for someone just like you. Answer those ads! Or take out an ad yourself.

Finally, if you can't, or won't, take radical steps to change things, like surgery, then you've got to learn to roll with the punches. Face it: You're not the only man in America with a little dick. Quit whining, accept it, or alter it and get on with your life.

P.S. Measuring yourself against the idealized bodies and shaved buttholes in gay pornography is a waste of time -- give it up.

Hey, Faggot: Strangulation is a big turn-on for me; both giving and receiving. However, I have a lot of scary scenarios in my head about going into a coma or giving somebody brain damage or something. Could you please give me, and anyone else who needs to know, the lowdown on how to give good choke without landing in the emergency room?

Hey, B: Cut off someone's oxygen for too long, and your partner could wind up brain damaged or dead, and you could wind up in prison. Folks with strangulation fantasies need to proceed with caution. Hands are best: Unlike, say, rope, hands are instantly removable -- just ungrip, know what I mean? And while using rope, a belt, or a collar may look more dramatic, they make it harder to judge just how much pressure you're placing on that bundle of arteries, veins, and nerves that passes through the neck. You can give "good choke" -- erotic asphyxia --without actually exerting all that much pressure.

Experiment with a potential choke-buddy before engaging in a scene. Take turns wrapping your mitts around each other's necks. Take a clinical approach -- this is an experiment, not foreplay. Get a feel for how much pressure is necessary, how long you can go between breaths. Discovering your limits before you engage in a strangulation scene will help establish clear, sensation-specific boundaries, making you and your partner less likely to lose control or go too far.

Since a chokee can't very well tell you when to stop or ease up, it's important to establish body-language "safe words." If thrashing around is part of your "scene," reserve one distinct movement as an ease-up indicator -- shaking only the right hand, or tapping the choker's arm. Do not combine strangulation with bondage, as it limits the victim's ability to communicate. Plus, if things do get out of hand, and your victim collapses while bound, other injuries -- pulled muscles, sprained wrists, broken bones -- may befall your one true love.

Folks with a heart condition or high blood pressure should give strangulation the go-by.


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