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Savage Love 

Hey, Faggot: Do you have any information on health problems accruing from oral-anal encounters? I mean, what diseases might the partner using the tongue get from the partner offering the anus?

I'm not talking about AIDS -- just diseases in general that might be carried by feces. I am female and my partner is male, and he is the one who very much wants to do it, though since he has been talking about it, I have developed some interest. My only concern is for his health.

Hey, D: Rimming is widely acknowledged to be low- to no-risk for HIV transmission; there are no documented cases of HIV infection from chowing down on somebody's ass. That doesn't necessarily mean there haven't been cases, but anyone rimming his partner or partners probably got up to other things as well -- so if there had been an infection or two from licking butt, they were most likely not correctly attributed. Some other, higher-risk, sexual act -- even protected fucking -- may have gotten the "credit."

That said, it's my personal belief that rimming is, as far as HIV is concerned, a no-risker. There are, however, other risks: You can pick up hepatitis, and a myriad of no-fun intestinal parasites. Hep and parasites live in poop, and rimmers may encounter microscopic "bits of shit," as a rather blunt Dutch AIDS pamphlet put it, and expose themselves to something nasty. But let's put these bits of shit in perspective, shall we? According to the FDA, you're likely to encounter microscopic "bits of shit" in the average hot dog. And that's not all: Odds are any given hot dog also contains everything from rat hairs to insects to maggots to plain old dirt.

Let's review the stats: Rimming -- microscopic bits of shit. Hot Dogs -- bits of shit, rat hairs, insect pieces, maggots, dirt. Hmm. Take the time to shower, scrub that butthole, and you can pretty much eliminate your lover's chances of gobbling up any bits of shit lurking around yer butthole. But what can you do about hot dogs? You can cook wieners -- but cooking the maggots and bits of shit inside them doesn't eliminate these contaminants, it only, well, cooks 'em. Your lover is a grown-up and he has the right, as all grown-ups do, to pick his poison: your butt or hot dogs. The choice, at least to me, seems obvious.

Hey, Faggot: I went out with this guy for a few months. Upon getting to know him, he expressed that he has "bi" tendencies. It somehow turned me on and it became a strong fantasy for me to see him with another man. The thing is, he has suddenly lost interest in me -- no calls anymore, nothing! I feel very rejected and almost feel like being a woman is "boring." I couldn't satisfy him? How can a guy walk away from his girlfriend (me) knowing she's (I'm) interested in the "bi-ness"? Most women would be disgusted. Not me.

Hey, U: You feel rejected, sugar cube, cuz you were rejected. So you weren't threatened by the bi thing -- so what? Bisexual guys break up with women they're seeing for lots of different reasons; even bi-supportive girlfriends of bi-guys get dumped. He may have weighed your supportiveness in your favor when he was deciding what to do: "Gee, she is OK with my being bi, but she has really bad breath, and lousy table manners, and she sent a check to Phil Gramm. I guess I'll have to dump her." That's the way it goes. There's more to a relationship than sexual compatibility. So pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and if you still want a bi boyfriend, go find one.

Hey, Faggot: I am almost 15 years old. I love women; I find myself very attracted to them, and I live openly as a dyke. I have come out to my parents. My mother is still in denial, certain that one day I will find her a son-in-law. She says this is a "phase."

My problem is that sometimes I find myself looking at a cute guy and I doubt myself. It's like when I think I know what I am, I figure out that I don't. I have kissed both a guy and a girl. I enjoyed kissing the girl more because the guy got an erection. Penises totally turn me off.

Am I truly a lesbian? I can't put myself back in the closet after almost a year of coming out and all the bullshit that goes with it. I'd like to be positive of what I am. If I'm going to identify as a full-fledged dyke, I'd like to know that I can truly bear that label.

Mind you, bisexuality pisses me off.
Am I a Dyke?
Hey, AIAD: Jeez, honey: You're only 15 years old. Go a bit easier on yourself. Are you a dyke? I dunno -- you very well could be, but why the headlong rush to cleave to an "identity" at your tender age? I'm not telling you to go back in the closet, perish the thought. Only that you needn't worry about those occasional attractions to boys, any more than I worry about my VERY OCCASIONAL (leap years, new popes) attractions to girls.

Give it time, listen to your body, listen to your pussy. Believe me: If you're a dyke, your pussy will let you know. You might be (horrors) a lesbo-leaning bisexual, or maybe just one of those dykes who finds the occasional boy attractive: Hey, it happens. I have a dyke friend -- in her 30s, that's more than twice your age -- who has a framed a picture of a nearly naked guy on her living room wall. "He's just so beautiful," she says. She doesn't stress out about finding the guy in the picture humpy, and she isn't any less a dyke for it.

You, like my friend, will probably wind up "partnering" with one of those dykes who look like 15-year-old boys -- the kind of lesbian who can't walk through the local department store without being cruised by every gay man in the place -- and you'll live happily ever after.

P.S. Your mother will, in time, get over it. Mine did. Yours will. It just takes time. Welcome out.

Hey, Faggot: Just read your response to "G From Queens," getting all hysterical over your supposed stance on pet sex, and was wondering 1) why you didn't rip GFQ up more for not having read the damn letter more carefully, and 2) why you didn't call GFQ on buying into the notion that Mentioning a Sexual Practice = Endorsing It. Which seemed to me to be underneath what he/she was saying, i.e., "How dare you even think these things?"

Nitpicking in San Francisco
Hey, NISF: Gee, maybe I wasn't mean enough to G From Queens? I guess I could go fuck her dog -- she'd probably hate that -- but I'm just not in the mood.

Hey, Faggot: In response to Suzy Q: Me, my boyfriend, and our two best dyke pals realized we'd never encountered the male equivalent of fag-hags (i.e., straight boys who hang with dykes), but if they exist they are "Lez-boys."



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