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Gavin Newsom Crowdsources Speech 

Wednesday, May 27 2015

Taking cues from William S. Burroughs, Girl Talk, and Kickstarter, Lt. Gov. Gavin Newsom used his Facebook page to crowdsource the content for the graduation speech he gave last week at San Francisco State University. Following is the text that resulted:

"Graduates of 2015:

Across this great land, millions of Americans are asking: I can haz cheezburger? I know, because they've told me. And while Howard Stern rules, and #BlackLivesMatter, graduation is the perfect time and place to ask about all-natural, non-surgical, penile enlargement for her pleasure.

Your generation will face many challenges: global climate change, hot horny housewives, one secret trick to eliminating belly fat that they don't want you to know, fund my Kickstarter. But I believe this generation — wired, networked, and drafting Elizabeth Warren as never before — can sign this online petition where others have failed. Because a new era demands new bronies looking for Ukrainian brides in the Mad Men series finale, no matter how many Kardashians run for President in 2016. You have a truly unique opportunity to like us on Facebook!

As Millennials know, this is not a time for RuPaul listicles, nor David Letterman's last show. But is Taylor Swift's "Bad Blood" video ISIS' best recruiting tool? Take this quiz to find out!

The rest of my speech will be delivered exclusively through my Twitter account. The first 100 new followers will receive a 2009 "Gavin Newsom for Governor" T-shirt.

Thank you, and God Bless the United States of America."

About The Author

Benjamin Wachs


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