They say the lifespan of a teen idol is about seven years. Justin Bieber is way past the gloaming of his fame, I'd say — sort of like when Paris Hilton was beginning her fast fizzle into obscurity. Not that she was a teen idol. She was just a booty-less Kardashian-Jungian archetype.
Bieber told Martha Stewart in Interview that his next album would be "very personal," and all about the ups and downs of being a dipshit. When a female pop star starts to lose her appeal she usually ramps up the sexuality and basically invites everyone to gaze up through her vaginal speculum on stage to witness her magical cervix. Christina Aguilera went through this, and Britney, and of course Miley. For dudes, it's time to dust off the acoustic and open a vein. That sucks, because I'd really like to get a closer look at the Beeb's prostate.
So here's a question: When is reality TV going to lose its mojo? We could say that the golden age of RTV has passed us by and we are just retreading old ideas in "new" ways, but I for one still tune in to a ton of the stuff. The problem is, with the exception of MasterChef — which has been saved only by the kids' version, MasterChef Junior — there hasn't been anything novel in years.
One of the latest prime-time examples on a major network is The Briefcase, CBS' take on the 1950s game show Queen For A Day. Two families "in need" are presented with $101,000 — that extra grand is not unintentional — and they have to decide how much to keep and how much to give away to another family. This premise has been disgusting the morally superior for a few weeks now, with the show getting totally pummeled in reviews. It strikes some as the lowest possible example of reality TV, the equivalent of pitting two desperate bums against each other for the amusement of onlookers. (The A.V. Club said, "The execution takes the mildly offensive concept and turns it into something outright loathsome.") I don't see how this is any different from any other reality TV show. It's just more blatant.
For me, the real crime here is how dull the show is most of the time. The families waffle back and forth about how much they want to give or keep, the couples fight, people shed tears, and sincere lessons are learned about magnanimity. (It's easy to be more generous when the cameras are rolling. I'd love to see what folks would really do if no one had to know their decisions.) CBS tries really hard to diversify things with little people, children with autism, veterans, etc., but if the network is trying to replicate the awesome fish-out-of-water formula on Wife Swap — one of my all-time favorite reality shows — it has failed.
Except for the third episode, which is pretty amazing. And pretty sad. I'm going to spoil it for you, but the season is over anyway. (You can watch the ending on YouTube if you search "The Briefcase — We've Decided Wylies.") The two families have a lot in common. They are both "people of faith," and make their decisions based on what they think God wants them to do. One family consists of "gun-totin' Republicans" and the other is an interracial lesbian couple who are raising their two nephews. The Middle American Christians sort of have their minds blown by how much they relate to a gay couple, which is interesting to watch, but they really have their minds blown when, after feeling the grace of God and giving the women $25,000 of their 100 grand, they find out that the inverse Adam-and-Steve, anti-Biblical pair of sinners is giving them $99,600, keeping only $400.00 for themselves. This stuff is the money shot for me, much like on Undercover Boss when the CEO finds out that, dagnabbit, those people he pays in peanut shells and tree bark really do bust their asses for the company. Removing the veils of the ignorant always makes for satisfying viewing.
Reality TV is at its nadir, though. It will keep going, of course, rehashing the same formulas, but it peaked long ago. I wish I were smart enough to predict what will replace it. Hopefully not V reality — as in, turning off the TV and going outside to the fresh air.
Shudder to think.
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