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REAL ASTROLOGY For an Unreal World 

Wednesday, Sep 17 1997
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Aries (March 21-April 19): The cosmic traffic signal is about to change from red to green. Your unlucky number will soon stop popping up every couple of hours. And the "Please Don't Touch" sign will either get knocked down or be officially removed -- and in either case you won't have to abide by it anymore. Given all these hopeful omens, Aries, I'd say there's more than enough cause for wild, even goofy, celebration. On the other hand, it doesn't mean you should dispense with safe-sex precautions or play tag on a golf course in a lightning storm.

Taurus (April 20-May 20): This is the week you prove your love. Not by being a "nice," "considerate," "sweet" person. Not by setting aside your own needs in a vain attempt to make yourself fit someone else's expectations or ideals. (In fact, behavior like that would irrevocably cut you off from the sublime state of grace you've been flirting with.) No, Taurus, the best way to prove your love is by daring to identify your heart's oldest desire, and then asking for it with poise and dignity.

Gemini (May 21-June 20): I'm channeling the spirit of Nostradamus' cook this week. Lucienne is not quite as flashy as the Old Boy himself, but she did pick up a few pointers during her tenure in his household. This is what she babbled when I asked her to produce a prophecy for you for the coming week. "Do not pursue the rainbow serpent, Gemini, for it will lead you to a smoldering mattress in a vacant lot. Follow, instead, the paisley coyote, for it will guide you to a bed of roses in a sumptuous sanctuary."

Cancer (June 21-July 22): Princess Diana was an underdog with a royal bearing. She craved privacy but was too magnetic to be left alone. She could be stubbornly willful in her drive to get her own way, yet was renowned for her ability to bring a gentle, intimate touch wherever she went. Though she was a skillful nurturer, and expressed that quality expansively in her charitable activities, she herself suffered consuming loneliness, and received little support in her rebellious struggle to become her authentic self. In all these ways, my fellow Cancerian, she was a typical member of our tribe. Let's be inspired by her death to do two things. First, let's vow to manage our contradictions with more ingenuity and self-forgiveness. Second, let's vow to be smarter about getting the nurturing we need.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22): Promise me that you will not perform ritual decapitations of live goats that send arcs of hot blood spurting onto idols representing the gods of money, power, competition, revenge, or status symbols. In fact, please skip the animal sacrifice shtick altogether. Likewise, don't torture, demean, or disrespect your own sacred body in the name of those same stinking gods. In fact, don't treat your own instinctual nature with anything less than bodhisattvalike compassion. Care for it as you would a beloved pet. And as you stuff it with healthy food, pure water, deep breaths, sound sleep, fun exercise, and reverent sex, dash off lots of prayers to deities that thrive on peace, love, and understanding.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Eek. I mean wow. So that's what you look like without your mask on. I don't know exactly what has prompted you to start parading around with your bare soul showing, but I vote for you to keep doing it. You're infinitely more beautiful this way. (And raw and interesting and just plain smashing.) The weird thing is, most people are so unperceptive that they won't even consciously notice the difference. Subconsciously, though, just about everyone will be far more available to you than usual.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): In Japan, there's a day once a month called sodai gomi, or Big Garbage Day. People not only throw out heaps of worn-out junk and decaying trash, but also perfectly good things that they no longer have any use for. I'd really think you were cool if you staged a sodai sodai gomi sometime this week -- a Big Big Garbage Day. It should be the Big Big Garbage Day of the Year, in fact -- maybe even of the Decade. Be sure to dump anything that reminds you of histories you're more than ready to stop repeating.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): We ask that you not divulge the meaning of this week's blockbuster climax to the general public -- at least until you've slipped away to confer at length with elders, best friends, and spirit guides. Only they can help you turn this denouement into fertilizer for your next 12 months' worth of growth. One further suggestion: Never assume you've reached the absolute, final ending of the story until you spot the giant rabbit in your dreams or until you sense an earthquake that no one else feels.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Today my Sagittarian friend Buddy grumbled to me, "I'm not being amazing or amazed these days. It's an awful situation which I am trying desperately to correct." When I mentioned this to two other Sagittarian friends, they unleashed a similar torrent of bitching. Frankly, I was incredulous. According to my astrological projections, you Centaurs should be in the season of boisterous adventure and giddy high jinks. It's true that you have extremely high standards; what might seem like a thrilling exploit to a Cancer could be a thunderous bore to you. But then maybe that's exactly the problem. Is it possible your tribe has become so addicted to bigger-than-life extravaganzas that you can no longer tap the exciting potential of the small stuff? Think about it. One way or another, I expect you to be amazed and amazing by week's end.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You ready for this? I'm not sure I am. When your oracle for this week came to me in meditation, I wondered if maybe I should suppress it. Not because it'll upset or scare you, but because it'll give you so much potency that you'll have to exercise great care not to abuse it. I decided to go ahead and reveal it, but only if I first begged you to be full of humility and mercy. Here it is: It's your power to open what is shut and shut what is open.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): My good friend Marina is a prototypical Aquarius: mentally hyperactive, obsessively restless, almost allergic to calm. That's why I was so pleased to get her e-mail today. She said, "I used to think of serenity as some unsweetened, insipid floral tea. What a relief to find a species of serenity that's more like hot chocolate spiked with peppermint." I'd like to think that her epiphany is symptomatic of a universal trend among Aquarians. My reading of the astrological aspects indicates it's a good possibility.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20): You'll finally track down the smoking gun this week. The ultimate proof. The unimpeachable evidence. It could be the tailpipe of a real UFO, demonstrating beyond a doubt that extraterrestrials are among us. Or it could be an old artifact that clarifies and confirms a hazy memory you've previously been unable to substantiate. Whatever the nature of this discovery, Pisces, I predict that it will simultaneously blow your mind and inspire you to trust yourself more than ever before.

About The Author

Rob Brezsny

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