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REAL ASTROLOGY For an Unreal World 

Wednesday, Aug 20 1997
Aries (March 21-April 19): While on vacation in Maui, I've made a point of floating for hours at a time in the womb- temperature sea. During these hypnotic outings, I've struck up conversations with nearby strangers who seem as intent as I am to re-create fetal memories. It's amazing how easy it's been out there to speak to each other of our private mysteries -- as if the warm salt water dissolves our need to hide behind social masks. As you enter an astrological phase when defense mechanisms are your greatest enemy, Aries, I highly recommend this approach to relationships. See if you can hold all your dates, negotiations, and committee meetings in a hot tub or heated swimming pool.

Taurus (April 20-May 20): Here in Maui, where I'm taking a break from my hectic routine in Northern California, I feel like I could juggle soap bubbles, or drink the sun, or conjure music from the stones. Today the white plumeria flowers fell at my feet as I strolled toward the cove where the sea turtles swim. Yesterday I found a shrine of Japanese coins, coconut cookies, and flame-red origami cranes, which someone had built inside a voluptuous seashell in a labyrinthine garden. And the ocean is most definitely inside me every minute of the day and night. I'd say "wish you were here," Taurus, but it may not be necessary. Right about now you're probably slipping into a state of mind and heart with many resemblances to my Maui.

Gemini (May 21-June 20): During my stay in Maui, I've been determined not to speed-read through empty-hearted blockbusters penned by the likes of Danielle Steel or Tom Clancy. Instead I've hunted down slim, musty, idiosyncratic tomes about Hawaiian culture and history. In one such book, L.R. McBride's The Kahuna, I found a passage that could have been written expressly for you. The quote in question was in a story about a restless Massachusetts traveler who accidentally came face to face with a kahuna -- a Hawaiian medicine man -- while visiting the Big Island in the winter of 1856. "You have moved much too fast for a long time," the kahuna said to the visitor, "and have left a part of yourself behind. Now you must slow down so that that part of you can catch up."

Cancer (June 21-July 22): Here in Maui, where I'm on vacation, I'm sometimes relieved when the hyperbright Hawaiian sun slips behind a cloud. Not just because I'm too damn hot and welcome the drop in temperature, but also because I'm a watery moon child like you, and tend to feel oppressed and depressed when bathed in nonstop brilliant illumination. Having said that, I'm sure you'll understand where I'm coming from when I tell you my wish for you this week. I'm hoping you'll find a way to avoid being blinded by the light. You need to protect and commune with your shadows, your sweet darkness, your hiding places.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22): It might've been nice to spend my Hawaiian vacation in one of the Grand Wailea Resort's $10,000-a-day suites. No doubt I'd have enjoyed twice-daily massages and aromatherapy sessions while gazing at original Monet paintings and sipping $800-a-bottle wine. But if I'd done that, Leo, I would've been too broke to carry out my scheme to make you richer quicker. As soon as I get back home, I'm planning to burn my last hundred-dollar bill in the flame of my special Lucky Money Candle while chanting a magic spell in your behalf. It's a favorable astrological time to do just that.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): The woman tending bar at the hotel here in Maui said she came to visit the island for two weeks in 1989, but got so addicted to the place that she never left. The guy operating the glass-bottom boat told me a similar story. When the fiddle player down near the wharf delivered yet another tale of a vacation that led to a permanent relocation, I began to feel like maybe I should protect myself from Maui's power to enthrall. I was also reminded of you, Virgo, because my astrological analysis suggests you're on the verge of having a minor detour turn into a major change of direction. That "whim" you follow may have a "wham, bam, thank you ma'am" impact.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): While vacationing in Maui, I've been inspired to study the native language. And now you're going to be the lucky recipient of the world's first-ever horoscope in Hawaiian. Here goes. E auhee oe mai hana kamalii, na puhenehene, a me na waili'ula. O hoi oukou i kau oili. E anapu a aka oe ma he anoano. Malaila oe e malama malu ia aku ai. (English translation: "Run away from childish work, guessing games, and mirages. You must return to your heart. Dance and laugh in a sacred place. There you will be cared for secretly.")

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): While on vacation in Maui, I've researched the relationships between the ancient Hawaiians and their gods. I was delighted to read the following passage in an obscure old book by Katherine Luomala: "A god had to get results to keep his worshipers satisfied, or they publicly and ceremoniously cast him off and adopted a new god, perhaps one of proven merit who was advancing the destinies of a neighboring island." What a refreshing difference this is from the fawning deference that pious white folk have traditionally shown their divinities! It's an attitude I highly recommend for you in the coming weeks, Scorpio. Demand that your own gods and goddesses come through for you, and fire 'em if they don't.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): I'm sure you've heard it said that the Eskimos have a hundred words for snow. During my visit to Maui, I've discovered that the ancient Hawaiians had an elaborate set of terms to distinguish among all the subtly different qualities of wind. I'd like to suggest, Sagittarius, that you're entering an astrological phase when "power" should have as many variations as "snow" and "wind." To get you started, let's use the Hawaiian word mana to refer to "having power over yourself," and let's coin the term nananananana to mean "having authority over other people."

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): The weird news is that I dreamed you were marooned on a barren stretch of rock called Shipwreck Beach. The good news is that in the same dream you seemed quite content to be lounging in a comfy chair while sipping an icy drink, grooving to the tunes on your Walkman, and eagerly turning the pages of a paperback. In interpreting my dream, should I be worried that you're headed for a place that's rife with contradictions? Or would it make more sense to conclude that you'd be happy for a chance to get away from it all, even if the immediate prod is an unexpected stroke of fate?

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): The ancient Hawaiians observed a kind of extended holiday called makahiki. During this time, which lasted about four months, war was absolutely forbidden. I wish you Aquarians could manage a similar embargo on conflict, backbiting, and nasty little acts of sabotage. Four months might be too much to ask, though. Do you think you could agree to three weeks?

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20): I was going with the flow all afternoon today. It wasn't as easy as it's cracked up to be. The scene was Napili Bay on the west coast of Maui. I never tried to buck the incoming waves, but always put myself in alignment so that my energy and theirs would work in tandem. I still got my ass kicked. The water's power was so tremendous and complex that even when I surrendered to it, it knocked me around. The moral of the story, as far as you're concerned, Pisces: Going with the flow is a smart plan for the coming week. But don't expect a smooth ride.

About The Author

Rob Brezsny


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