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REAL ASTROLOGY For an Unreal World 

Wednesday, Sep 18 1996
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Aries (March 21-April 19): Talk about kicking your own ass! You're as close as you've come in many moons to living your own life (as opposed to someone else's). You're less enslaved by your dependencies; you're nowhere near as hypnotized by the expectations everyone's so fond of pushing on you. Now are you ready to kick your own ass just a little harder? As soon as you agree to clean up that last little bit of soul-sludge you've been avoiding forever, you'll earn the right to taste the soul-nectar you didn't even know existed.

Taurus (April 20-May 20): Picture the face of a lover, fresh from the sweet collapse of making love. Recollect a sled ride down a hill or a white-water rafting trip or any past adventure that closely resembled an exhilarating flying dream. Imagine the feelings your mother had when she first realized you had hatched inside her. With those images floating on your awareness, decide which two beautiful people you'll give an impulsive gift to this week; which two gorgeous helpers have sneaked you the best peeks at life's most precious secrets.

Gemini (May 21-June 20): It's live, it's steaming, it's slippery! It's your private experiment with intimate miracles! Nothing's too taboo! (Well, almost nothing.) Don't be shy! Don't be humble! Insist on outrageous proposals and midnight rendezvous! Pick up where your fantasies left off last time you got too scared to push any further! Be uncensored! As raw as the law allows! And remember -- it's good for you! So say, finally, what you have always meant to say! Do exactly what you feel -- and much, much more! Ride that kundalini till your forbidden pain burns away and your love turns inside out! Make this the open secret at the heart of your wild, wild life!

Cancer (June 21-July 22): Here are some fun facts about crabs that just might have symbolic relevance to you now, as you enter the most crablike phase of your yearly cycle. 1) Crabs grow by periodically molting their hard shells. (Does that remind you of how crucial it is for you to regularly shed your protective defenses?) 2) Crabs like to walk sideways in order to head where they want to go. (The indirect approach, which you're so fond of and so good at, is often quite useful, and not necessarily pathological.) 3) The crab's reproductive organs are located just below the heart. (I think you can figure that one out by yourself.)

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22): It's a whispering, humming, murmuring kind of week. A time when the pithiest clues are likely to arrive via rustlings and ripplings and crinklings and whirrings. It's true that bangs and clangs will threaten to commandeer the attention of everyone around you. But avert your ears from that turgid pomp. Turn away from the whap and the jangle. Be a delicate spy in the house of love ... a between-the-lines listener attuned to all the overtones and underlays.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): It's bad luck to be superstitious this week. It's stupid to act so smart that you alienate useful folks who're less well-endowed than you. And it's downright illogical to be so relentlessly reasonable that you miss out on the rich emotional signals that'll be spiraling everywhere. In conclusion, Virgo, just assume that every one of your first impressions and gut instincts is half-wrong. Things are neither what they seem nor the opposite of what they seem.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): In my dream, you'd left the holy book I gave you out in the rain. You'd neglected to refrigerate the chicken soup I'd cooked for you, and I found it swarming with mold. Worst of all, your dog had half-eaten the homework I'd assigned, and I couldn't tell if you'd done any of it. But when I came up and screamed, "What the hell are you doing?!" you calmly explained that you'd been preoccupied, slaving away night and day to alchemically transmute your lead balloon into solid gold. And just before I woke, I glimpsed you striding past the talent scouts with your new trial balloon floating above you on the end of a silk string, gleaming gold in the moonlight.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Even if you're not Jewish, I suggest you do your own homemade version of Yom Kippur, which this year falls on Sept. 23. Known also as the Day of Atonement, this holiday is a perfect time to earn the gutsiest kind of absolution, as opposed to the lip-service variety. There's no use, after all, in reflexively exercising the usual twinge of regret for how cruelly you cheated on your lover or how greedily you stole toilet paper from work. That ain't atonement, it's simpering. Instead, write letters to those you've offended, admitting that you know you deserve to be thrown into a vat of boiling oil, and begging them to tell you what you can do to redeem yourself. Better yet, stare your own inner devil right between the eyes and laugh at it till it croaks.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): For a year my Sagittarian friend has risked her sanity and safety in the service of the modern version of the underground railroad. At least that's how I think of her work at a battered women's shelter. The vulnerable souls she's counseled there are on the run and in hiding from their abusers. Most are at the absolute bottom of the scale of social prestige. For her, it's been an unusual way to quench her Sagittarian lust for adventure. On the surface, it's seemed wrenching, unglamorous, humbling. Yet she's found that assisting a shattered woman to recover her identity, get a job, and love life again can be as grippingly satisfying as sky diving or climbing a mountain. I suggest you take a page from her book in the weeks ahead. Seek thrills that leave a righteous impact.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Did you ever wonder why the biblical Jacob dreamed of angels clambering up and down a ladder, not a stairway? (My experience as a dream interpreter has shown me that dream symbols are never imprecise.) A ladder, of course, is a movable device, whereas a stairway is stuck in the place where it's built. You can use a ladder to climb just about anywhere you want, but a stairway severely limits your choices. One possible meaning for the dream, then, is this: Lofty aspirations are best served by a highly adaptable approach.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): At one point in James Michener's novel Hawaii, a native Hawaiian informs some ignorant missionaries, "You cannot speak to the gods with your clothes on." Whereupon he strips and prepares for prayer. Let this image guide you in the week ahead, Aquarius. Two assignments are requesting your attention more than any others: erotic education and divine communion. Why not conspire to get them to happen in the same place?

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20): Only by flunking my calculus midterm in senior year did I realize how much I wanted to go to college. And only by losing Justine to a rich lawyer did I begin to understand how damaging poverty can be to a relationship. On the other hand, I wouldn't have even been able to take calculus in high school unless I was a math wizard. And I would never have had the nerve to court the brilliant Justine unless I'd first learned how much I had to offer during my previous liaison with Mara. What I'm trying to say is that pain ain't the only way to gain. Some lessons come through success, not failure. You'll be amazed at how many chances you'll have in the coming weeks to build on your past triumphs.

About The Author

Rob Brezsny

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