Taurus (April 20-May 20): Happy Holy Daze, Taurus! If I could give you just one holiday gift, it might be a pair of Moon Shoes, those minitrampolines you strap on your feet. They'd give you hours of practice in jumping and bouncing and soaring, which would be a great way to prime yourself for the exhilarating leaps of faith you'll want to take in 1998. You might be amazed to hear this, Taurus, since you are the earthiest of the earth signs, but get this: Defying gravity will be your specialty in the coming months.
Gemini (May 21-June 20): Happy Holy Daze, Gemini! If I could give you just one holiday gift, it would be the prediction that you'll receive a galvanizing credential, license, diploma, or certification in 1998. With all the certainty it's possible for a waffler like me to muster, I envision you shedding your "amateur" label and rising to a new level of professionalism. May you accomplish this breakthrough without selling (or even renting) your soul, my friend! May you deliver your acceptance speech in your own words, not those of automatons whose butts you had to buss.
Cancer (June 21-July 22): Happy Holy Daze, Cancerian! If I could give you just one holiday gift, it would be an instructional book by Peter Nelson called Treehouses: The Art and Craft of Living Out on a Limb. The author teaches you how to build everything from a kids playhouse to a stately palace in branches high off the ground. I believe this'll be a useful lesson for you in 1998, since you'll probably be up in the air more than usual. Besides, I've always thought you should try to master the art of creating a sense of home in unlikely places. What better time to clinch this talent than a year when being out on a limb will feel almost natural?
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22): Happy Holy Daze, Leo! If I could give you just one holiday gift, it might be a Little Red Riding Hood doll, or a beautifully illustrated book containing one of the versions of her story with a happy ending. This would serve, I'd hope, as an inspirational symbol of the encounter you'll have with the wolf in 1998 -- and your ultimate victory over the beast. It'll remind you, too, never to get so overconfident that you nonchalantly sing "Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf?"
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Happy Holy Daze, Virgo! If I could give you just one holiday gift, it might be a 1-pound chocolate replica of a human heart from the Anatomical Chart Company in Skokie, Ill. (It's available at 1-847-679-4700.) This would serve as a stirring symbol for all the delicious, heart-opening adventures you're going to have in 1998. Take note that this confection is not a cartoony Valentine shape. It's modeled after the actual organ now beating in your chest. Meaning: The airbrushed, cutesy-pie stuff won't deepen and develop your love nature in the year ahead; only raw reality will do.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Happy Holy Daze, Libra! If I could give you just one holiday gift, it would be a 5-foot-tall, heavy-duty vinyl inflatable doll with a sand-weighted base and great bounce-back action: perfect for bashing and pummeling whenever you're under stress. You see, my overly polite friend, 1998 will be a year when you will simply not be able to get away with swallowing your anger as much as you've been accustomed to in the past. Even more important, your very smashable doll will be a fine ally in what I hope will be your crusade to constructively transmute the backlog of disgruntlement you've been suppressing for eons.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Happy Holy Daze, Scorpio! If I could give you just one holiday gift, it'd be a poster called "How to Be Really Alive," designed by a vivacious spiritual cheerleader named Sark. (Order it at 1-800-220-7673.) Why this particular novelty item? Because I think you're primed in 1998 to slip into the most uninhibited and celebratory phase of your adult life. I believe you'll have more fun and create more joy than you imagined you were capable of. Check out this excerpt from Sark's poster: "Live juicy. Stay in bed all day. Dream of gypsy wagons. Find snails making love. Drink sunsets. Amaze yourself. Be ridiculous. Make yes your favorite word. Marry yourself. Eat mangoes naked. Keep toys in the bathtub. Spin yourself dizzy. Wear pajamas to a drive-in movie."
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Happy Holy Daze, Sagittarius! If I could give you just one holiday gift, it would be the deed to your dream home. Alas, I'm not that rich. And besides, your ideas about what constitutes your dream home may soon be mutating. By the summer of 1998, though, I bet they'll be very clear and ripe. Will you be ballsy enough by then to buck your age-old urge to wander compulsively? You may -- if you start fantasizing now about what it might take for you to feel both soaringly free and utterly secure.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Happy Holy Daze, Capricorn! If I could give you just one holiday gift, it would be a goofy comic book called Brain Surgery for Beginners by Steve Parker and David West. I think this would get you in the right mood for the challenges that'll be coming your way in 1998. Like what? Like having to master highly complex tasks on the fly, and keeping your sense of humor finely tuned through it all. Like pretending you know what the hell you're doing so well that no one notices you don't until you really do know. And like barging into your baptisms by fire with more improvisational verve than any Capricorn in history has ever been able to summon.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Happy Holy Daze, Aquarius! If I could give you just one holiday gift, it would be a tool that'd grant you the power to translate more of your brilliant ideas into concrete realities than ever before. I'm almost certain, you see, that 1998 will be the year many of you smash the old Aquarian curse of being too imaginative for your own good. By January 1999, I predict the manic energy of your inspired fantasies will no longer paralyze your will to bring them to life.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20): In her book The Golden Cauldron, Nicki Scully describes how to call on the spirits of animals to aid in one's shamanic quest for power and healing. The hippo, she says, signifies rebirth: "In Egypt she is the goddess Tarat who attends the birth of the sun each morning after it has completed its journey through the underworld." Since 1998 will be a year of resurrection for you, Pisces, I recommend you meditate on the hippo from time to time. I also suggest that as a holiday gift, you give yourself a symbol of the creature. The Metropolitan Museum of Art sells a blue ceramic hippo modeled on the ancient Egyptian version (call 1-800-468-7386). Or to save money, you could fashion yourself one out of Play-Doh.
