Last week, Mayor Gavin Newsom announced that the corporate headquarters of Levi Strauss & Co. will remain in San Francisco at least through 2021. What promises did the mayor make to keep Levi's here?
• He'll stop hitting on the secretaries. For real this time.
• He'll get rid of the constant pot smell near their office. Somehow.
• 311 will now be brought to you by the jeans that fit.
• People in the Mission must stop acting like they're too cool to wear Levi's.
• Jennifer Siebel-Newsom must pay to produce a Levi's commercial, which she cannot appear in.
• Supervisors Sean Elsbernd, Carmen Chu, and Michela Alioto-Pier must all "accidentally" show up to the same board meeting wearing boot-cuts, and express surprise and delight on camera.
• The Newsoms' new baby will be named "Levi" or "Strauss."
• October is now Denim Month.
• The Community Justice Court will start sentencing nonviolent offenders to rehabilitation through rugged comfort.
• New police uniforms to include skinny jeans.
• Newsom to issue sternly worded statement to hipsters informing them that jeans are not "ironic."
