October is the cruelest month. — the Goth version of T.S. Eliot's The Waste Land.
October is also my favorite month. Last week, I pointed out some of the best/doofiest/scariest movies running on Turner Classic Movies this month, most of which were filmed before 1970. Now let's go over to YouTube and dig up three seriously sepulchral chalices o' greatness from the '60s and '70s.
The Paul Lynde Halloween Special
youtube.com/watch?v=4psTeRpQ-1o
This seasonal variety show (which ran in 1976) is not only one of the best Halloween things on TV, but hell, it's one of the best things on TV, ever. Paul Lynde was a comedian best-known, sadly, for being the center square on Hollywood Squares. I say "sadly" because he was oh-so-much more than that. He snickered and grimaced through his zinger-laden bits, sort of like a gay Don Rickles. He was one of those celebrities (like Liberace) who was obviously light in the ol' loafers yet no one ever spoke of it. In fact, just like Liberace, I guarantee you there were hundreds of elderly women with names like Norma or Lois who would slap your face if you even suggested that he might not fancy Nancy. He was just happy, not gay. This holiday show is appallingly awful in a wonderful way, starring Billie Hayes (the actress who played Witchiepoo on Sid and Marty Krofft's Saturday morning classic, H.R. Pufnstuf); Margaret Hamilton, who played The Wicked Witchiepoo of the West in The Wizard of Oz; Donny and Marie Osmond; Florence Henderson, a.k.a. Carol Brady; and, strangest of all, KISS.
Mad Monster Party
youtube.com/watch?v=PeGEhQPIZiM
Rankin/Bass Productions is best known for its Christmas fare like Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer ("But I want to be a dentist!"), Frosty the Snowman, and Rudolph's Shiny New Year. But the house of stop-motion animation also made a lost classic called Mad Monster Party in the same style. The plot is pretty stupid and so is the pacing: To borrow the parlance of one of its stars, Phyllis Diller, it drags, baby. Plus, the soundtrack is godawful, too. So why do I love this thing? I like the idea of a bunch of different monsters all meeting for a dinner party on a spooky island, and I love anything these animators have made. Boris Karloff plays Baron Von Frankenstein, and there's also some funny shit in it, as when the mummy and the werewolf be buggin' out. Additionally, Rankin/Bass made a prequel called Mad Mad Mad Monsters, although it's straightforward animation on cels. Watch part of it here: youtube.com/watch?v=gyoEPIiAlvk
The Halloween that Almost Wasn't
youtube.com/watch?v=I0C9qZaYbi4
Just as the aughts had a slew of titles that were verb-centric (Finding Neverland, Finding Nemo, Batman Begins), the '70s had a motif of plots focused on the idea of something dear to everyone possibly being destroyed forever. (Sort of like when Bob Rock began producing Metallica records.) Family togetherness was often on the chopping block: Something would be getting in Santa's way of delivering all those goodies or toys, or Pa and Uncle Joe would get stuck in a snow drift and face the idea of not making it home in time for Thanksgiving. Well, it was only a matter of time before someone came up with the idea of fucking up everyone's Halloween, too. 1979's Almost Wasn't sort of gives away the ending in the title, but suffice it to say that Halloween comes under threat in the same way as Christmas when lib-tard unbelievers wish everyone "Happy Holidays." Judd Hirsch from Taxi plays Dracula, organizing all the other monsters to Take Back The Night. Then, something amazing happens. The witch, played by Mariette Hartley — a character actress who is still working! — does a boogie spin and transforms into a disco mama. Hirsch says, "Fuck it" (a paraphrase) and rips off his count-wear to reveal a Saturday Night Fever ensemble beneath. That's a happy ending, all right — full body complete, thank you very much.
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