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Party Types 

Whether Democrat, Republican, or crypto-fascist, this is your guide to the best in Election Night bashing

Wednesday, Oct 30 1996
It's been another hard-fought campaign season, with candidates and proposition sponsors once again mud-wrestling each other into submission. But once the polls have closed, it's time to put the party back into political party. Sure, you could glumly clutch a plastic cup filled with lime-flavored Calistoga as Peter Jennings solemnly puts Montana in the Clinton column with only 1 percent of the vote in. Or, you can hop aboard the political bandwagon to good times and party down with people who really know how to have fun. Oh beautiful for spacious skies, for amber waves of grain, hops, malt, and barley! Give me liberty, or give me another drink!

Herewith, a guide to S.F.'s hottest Election Night bashes. Locations, times, and all other details subject to change.

Supe Slam '96 Proposition F, the measure that raises the annual of the Board of Supervisors from $23,924 to $50,000, is the first step in an ambitious plan that will give every San Franciscan a 109 percent pay raise. Until the rest of the plan goes through, you can celebrate the supervisors' good fortune with this rousing party funded entirely by the supes' stupendous raise. "Supe Slam '96" features a motorized cable car that will send revelers on a magical mystery tour of all the supervisors' homes.

You'll cut a rug at Sue Bierman's house (1529 Shrader), quaff microbrews in Tom Ammiano's garage (162 Prospect), blow a doobie with Angela Alioto's ex-boyfriend (2606 Pacific), and do tequila shooters at Susan Leal's (4115 26th St.). See if you can make it all the way to Tom Hsieh's house (1151 Taylor) for mystery fondue.

Proposition J Party Where else to celebrate the passage of Prop. J, which "reforms" taxi regulations, than at the mecca of cabbie culture, the San Francisco International Airport? The party kicks off in the Terminal 4 Smoking Lounge with the theme "You Lookin' at Me?" Watch Taxi Driver on the monitors while listening to cabbies swap anecdotes about overcharging tourists. Free taxis will be waiting for you at the curb, ready to whisk you back to the city. Best of all, there'll be no long waits -- thanks to Prop. J, there will be more than enough taxis to go around.

Yes on Propositions D & I Bump and grind with your favorite cops and firefighters at the bash celebrating the propositions certain to put more cash in their pockets. On achingly beautiful Pier 45, you'll boogie shoulder-to-shoulder-holster with S.F.'s Finest. Beepers will be provided at the door for all on-call guests. Party theme: "To Protect and Serve ... Food." You'll chow down at a lavish smorgasbord provided by Happy Donuts, Johnny Donuts, All Star Donuts, Donut World, House of Donuts, Rolling Pin Donuts, and Magic Donuts. Entertainment will feature performance demonstrations by Burning Man, along with a searing set by the all-cop punk band Excessive Force. A special back-room area will feature a Cuban cigar tasting, with the building's smoke detectors thoughtfully disabled by firefighters.

Kopp-Out '96 It's state Sen. Quentin Kopp's "Kopp-Out '96," a post-election soiree held at the irascible senator's lavish but nonpartisan estate (68 Country Club Dr.; look for the "Just Vote No" signs!). "Kopp-Out '96" is open to any legal resident (bring documentation) who voted no on every proposition and wrote in "None of the above" for the Board of Supervisors. Just show your ballot stub to the man in the Beefeater uniform, and you're in! Once inside, reflect on the fact that if BART had been extended to the airport as a certain state senator wanted, you could have taken the subway to the party. Enjoy heated finger-pointing arguments with fellow partiers, then switch sides and argue the opposing point of view. See how easy it is? Free parking on the lawn.

Dr. Leland Yee Party Board of Supervisors candidate Dr. Leland Yee invites voters to a special "Oh! Come All Yee Faithful" party held at his home (1489 Dolores). Events include Yee giving a dramatic reading of his campaign promises, including "removing guns from our streets" and "making neighborhoods safe." Give your full-throated support to the only man brave enough to take on the powerful pro-violence lobby! Cheer lustily as Lee adds new planks to his lofty platform. The sun must set in the west every day! No clear-cutting of Muir Woods! Always call it the Golden Gate Bridge -- never change it!

After partygoers have been whipped up into a Nuremberg-like frenzy, Yee will take the whole crew over to Fort Mason's Building D for a "feel-good" reception, titled "In Favor of Things That Are Good, Against Things That Are Bad." On the menu: good food, good music, good parking. Bad people are asked to please stay away.

Proposition B -- de Young Museum Bonds No Election Night party run would be complete this year without a stop at the de Young Museum in Golden Gate Park, where the cops are few, and the stop signs are optional. Their shindig for Prop. B -- raising $73 million to reconstruct or replace the crumbling de Young -- is themed "Open to de Young and de Old Alike," and promises to shake the already wobbly rafters of the present building. Rock out to the classic '70s music of Dennis DeYoung and the surviving members of Styx, live at the band shell. Stay around for the stroke of midnight, when Mayor Brown will approach the plunger and set off explosives that demolish the building. Make sure you're outside first!

Proposition 215 -- Legal Medical Marijuana Just a rare vase's throw from the de Young soiree will be the victory party for Prop. 215, the medicinal marijuana legalization measure, held at the old Jefferson Airplane mansion on Fulton near Stanyan. Stroll through the hallowed, mellowed halls of clothing and colorful trinket vendor booths. Don't worry if you get lost; areas will be triple-marked for those with short-term memory loss! Enjoy a complimentary high-risk glaucoma screening in the VIP "Comfort Zone" lounge, aka Grace Slick's former bedroom, where admission requires a note from a doctor, veterinarian, or someone currently working as a hospital intern. Don't miss the "Cave of Internet Awesomeness," which features pre-signed prescription pad templates, and free on-line time for e-mail flaming of Attorney General Dan Lungren.

Proposition 209 -- Ending State Affirmative Action The "Take Back America" bash for Prop. 209, which eliminates affirmative action programs by the state, will be held at Marina Green (renamed "Marina White" for the occasion). Tap your loafers to the upbeat sounds of Bud E. Love and Big Bang Beat on the "CEO Stage." Wolf down some porterhouse steaks from Union Street's finest restaurants, and quench your thirst from the Johnny Love's bartenders, serving Chai teas, mint juleps, and Jack Daniel's mango smoothie specials. Vintage SS patrol cars on display come courtesy of the Hillsborough Antique Deusenberg Car Club, which offers free temporary swastika tattoos for the kids. The "Junior Exec Stage" features the Bohemian Grove Players' re-creations of classic cutup comedy sketches by Amos 'n' Andy, Senor Wences, and the riotous Jose Jimenez. Stanford University's donated Jumbotron big-screen will open the gala with a satellite-link invocation by former Gov. George Wallace, followed by continuous screenings of the Martin Luther King commercial that was taken off the air. The party is open to all, and if you're a minority, you're more than welcome to join in the cleanup!

Margo St. James for Supervisor You'll really want to drop into the victory party for prostitution activist Margo St. James, candidate for city supervisor, held at the glitzy Hilton Hotel, a short walk from the action-packed corner of Geary and Leavenworth. The theme for Margo's hobnob is "Tipping Is Not Just a City in China," featuring live entertainment by the Kuntry Kunts and the "You Datin' Tonight?" all-nude dance troupe. Vice cops and politicians can rest easy -- a county health nurse will be administering mandatory penicillin inoculations to them at the lobby entrance. Guests are encouraged to nibble their way through the "whore d'oeuvres" from the Exotic Dancers Alliance, and party down with drink specials like Sex on the Beach, "You Can Lead a Whore to Water" punch, and Skyy Vodka "money shots." Adventurous shoppers can streetwalk through vendor booths of everything from perfume samples, high heels, and sweater dress manufacturers to spatula spanking and Catholic priest S/M demonstrations.

Republican Party Bash Traditionalists will want to mark the Republican Party's smoker on the evening's not-to-be-missed list. Proudly hoisting the theme of "Grand Old Party -- Emphasis on the Old," the bash kicks things off with an all-you-can-eat clambake at the American Legion Golden Gate Post 40 building at 401 Van Ness, featuring, in honor of Bob Dole, reinforced railings around the barbecue pit. Organizers say the local smoking ordinance will be temporarily waived, and guests are encouraged to drown their sorrows at the open bar, which will be pouring quarts of Kentucky bourbons. An on-line commiseration with Newt Gingrich is promised, co-sponsored by Philip Morris and Tums. Scheduled entertainment includes the Christian Coalition's R&B band the Clean-House Rockers, the Seaview Terrace Demolay Flag-Wavers Drill Team, and a speech from "a Negro person as yet to be determined."

Democrats' Bash Downtowners with a thirst for reverie will find it at the house-raising for the Democratic Party, held at the exact equidistant median point of the city's geographic ethnicity, located between Chinatown, Japantown, the Mission, the Bayview projects, the Castro, the Irish Richmond, the Vietnamese Tenderloin, and Pacific Heights: i.e., Moscone Center. But building that bridge to the 21st century takes sustenance, provided here via the winning entries from the afternoon's "Post-Welfare Empowerment Bake-Off." Double-dip to your bleeding heart's content at the "Equal Opportunity Punch Bowl," and enjoy the nonjudgmental performances from the General Choice Glee Club, La Raza Galeria's Left-Handed Poets Without Partners, and the Robert Gabriel Mugabe Memorial Lesbian Dance Auxiliary. Turn the kids loose in the "It's a Small World" Internet playroom, where they can log onto the bank of "Can't We All Get Along" chat rooms and empathize with children from other countries and socioeconomic backgrounds. Meanwhile, adults will be kicking up a multiculti monsoon of fun, as qualified instructors lead the crowd in macarena lessons, dancing to Fleetwood Mac's Rumors album!

--Jack Boulware and Tom McNichol

About The Authors

Jack Boulware


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